Tea and Sweatpants...

so when i planned on adopting i planned on going on maternity leave with work...so i did. I did not however really plan on maternity leave from being a pastors wife. it is amazing how quickly life shifted forever. this really isn't a surprise but i guess i thought it would be different somehow. i knew that i would need time to attach and bond with the boys but i didn't really think about how that sucks every ounce out of me. sure i was warned but it's really hard to see it as something to come. also, with no time to prepare i suddenly found myself behind in helping my hubby complete the call God has for our community. I don't doubt that in time things will balance out but for now i'm on maternity leave and i do love it!

I must take time this Saturday morning to praise our God for His great love for us! As many of you know Nick and I are going through a somewhat rough financial time right now, but so are billions around the world. So, we are by no means calling for a pity party. I am however sharing this so you might understand how much I have to thank God for!

Nick as you know is a pretty big guy and he likes to eat a lot. I also really love to eat, all day long! We also really love to have people over and share meals with them, we believe this is mandatory for sharing God's love.

The combination of these two thoughts create a very tight food budget. In fact, we only have $100 a month for the two of us and those that join us. This $100 includes paying for medicine, Clorox, and various other household needs.

Here is the exciting part. Monday, while Nick was working, he found around 10 cans of food that a renter had left behind. He is allowed to bring those kinds of things home. God provided around 8 cans of beans and corn for us and 3 giant costco size cans of fruit and applesauce for us to share with our church family the next three weeks:) Then, Thursday I found out we are 90% accepted to be a part of a ministry that for only $50 a month will provide our weekly groceries along with several other services!!!!! This won't start until near the end of November so we've got to keep it tight until then but no worries! THEN today, I was planning to go get the ads to save big time with the coupons and found in the mail $9 in rebates to our local grocery store!!!! So, normally I would only get to spend $25 on groceries this week but now I get to spend $34 which will fully be enough for this week:)

I can hardly contain myself, ahhh we are so blessed. This only is the tip of the iceberg, I cannot even put into words how God has been providing beyond our grocery bill these last few weeks. I now only pray I don't loose sight of His faithfulness those evening when we are exhausted from working with out pay, sitting down to work out a new budget for lack of cash flow, or those evening when a cold settles deeply in the chest. God provides time, money, and health. I need to pray more, read more, and love on others more deeply.

God forgive me for my lack of faith. Forgive me from my selfishness. Give me a humble and grateful heart.

God doesn't answer my prayer for humbleness with a sudden change in heart, He answers it by creating opportunity to be humble. So, as tough as times can be for me and so many I love, the reward of humbleness and a change of heart is worth every bit of it....

God make me humble.

I think many of you will not find this surprising but I am terrible at multitasking! I feel as if I am a fairly good listener when the conversation is meant to be face-to-face or all other distractions are gone. Any other circumstances can be a disaster or very frustrating for the person speaking to me, like my husband. I cannot tell you how many times I've been driving somewhere (home from work, to the grocery store, etc.) to fairly routine locations and started talking on the phone to one of my bffs or my mom or sister and found myself in the strangest locations. I also cannot tell you how many times I've been talking to Nick and a commercial comes on really loud so I stop mid sentence to watch the darn thing. I don't even care about the commercial and most often I can't even remember what I was saying. I am convinced my best friends from college still are amazed I made it as a teacher for 3 years, a job that requires such great multitasking!

I often think about how ironic it is that one man who is so good at doing the very thing I suck at found me...there are so many women out there that God blessed with the mysterious ability to hear, see, and walk times two all at one time! Nick and I laugh about it all the time and I think secretly he likes that he's better at it then I am:)

For all of you who have a spouse that stops mid sentence, gets easily distracted by the TV, can't hear anything else when they are on the phone, or can seem as if they are on some other planet...please love them like Nick loves me:) Laugh about it and try not to get frustrated we most certainly don't do it on purpose!

I was just noticing that I haven't written a blog in nearly 2 months and nearly 5 months since I've posted anything related to the church! So, I originally set out to tell you about my wifely duties as the pastors wife and veered off the path...sorry! Here's where I'm at.

First of all I don't exactly meet the mold of the old school pastor's wife. I don't have big hair...actually it's pretty flat, I can't play the piano or even sing for that fact and I am not very good at hosting parties I just like to have people over (everyone has learned by now how to find things in our kitchen). I will say I am working on some of the internal things one would expect from a pastor's wife. God is daily teaching me how to be more patient, how to be a better listener, ways to be more hospitable, and possessing true flexibility.

I think that the skill that is most required of pastors and their families is resilancy. The ability to bounce back time and time again. I think my parents helped me to learn this skill after many attempts at being athletic. No matter how much I sucked at sports for some darn reason I wanted to keep playing them! If I didn't make a cut a tryouts, missed the game winning pop fly, failed at track because I only wanted to do shot put my parents helped me to be resilient and confident in who I was...the game didn't matter, the fact that I kept trying and learning did matter! The last 3 months of life have been oddly familiar to that time of my life. Relationships have failed and rebounded, "ideas" began then stopped and relaunched in new ways, bridges have been built then crumbled and some rebuilt, the list could go on. The most important thing in my life is that God is faithful and unchanging and that makes me resilient. It allows me to mourn what was lost (dreams, goals, friendships, finances...etc.) and find joy in the hope that Jesus brings. God is in the business of making all things new and I get to be a part of that amazing transformation that is happening all around me!


I guess the word of the day then is resiliency. I pray that I would be able to bounce back and this time bounce right into the arms of Jesus. The one who is faithful to the end!

Just wanted you all to know that my wonder mom has now been to yoga twice with me and yesterday was so crazy! It was actually hotter outside than it was in the hot room! But trust me it was brutal doing yoga after facing the heat all day, but we did it.

Hey friends, sorry it's been like 10 years since I've posted. My summer hours at work are crazy now and church stuff happens daily leaving very little time for telling stories. I couldn't have you miss this one though.

So the other night it was a very HOT night (we've had a lot of those lately). Not to worry, we have a little window AC unit in our bedroom to keep it nice and cool. We've been taking advantage of that for the last month until we got our electricity bill...the AC only stays on for a bit now:)

We decided to set the timer on it to cool down the room but not to have it on all night. We found the timer button and increased the time. It seemed to be increasing by minutes so we took it as high as it could go, 86 minutes. We turned off the lights and hit the sack. The next day Nick and I were talking about how hot it was and how we really did not sleep well at all and that we should look at the AC unit to see if was broke. Nick had even gotten up in the middle of the night to turn it back on for 86 min. to see if it would cool down again. The next night we were looking at the unit only to realize that instead of increasing the minutes on the timer we had increased the temperature to 86 degrees, as hot as it would go! So it had run for an hour at 86 degrees twice the night before. We could not stop laughing, we are such morons. I will say we did eventually out smart the dang machine and have been sleeping well for the last week:)

A while ago I let all of you know that I was going to participate in a dualathon (run, bike, run). I am still planning on participating in that as long as funding is there. In the mean time I've found a new challenge, Hot Yoga formally known as Bikram Yoga. This is Yoga done in a room heated to 105 degrees with 50% humidity for 90 minutes. This has been one of the most amazing things I've ever put my body and mind through. It has helped me understand my Spiritual journey with God on a more appreciative level.

My thoughts through the first class:
11:15 go into class to get a spot where the teacher directed me to.
"This isn't so bad, in fact if feels really nice!"
11:30 The teacher is on his way in to start class
"Alright, this is really hot...how many minutes do I have to stay in here?"
11:33 Teacher introduces me to the class as the newbie and I laugh nervously
"Great, now you've called me out so that everyone can watch my die!"
12:15 Just finished the standing series and are transitioning to the floor series
"are we done YET??? Only 1/2 way, oh crap I should just lay through the rest of class"
12:40 Noticing the other newbie next to me who is a man built much like Nick (zero flexibility and very uncomfortable in heat)
"OK, he's really looks like he is going to die, I think I can even hear his nausea and head ache and frustration...I'm doing pretty good at faking it in here!"
12:45 Glance at the clock
"ah yes, only 15 min. left I can do anything for 15 min."
12:50 Look at the clock again
"what the crap only 5 min. have passed"
1:00 The instructor tells us we are going to go a few min. longer to make up for starting a few min. late
"oh no you didn't, I officially hate you!"
1:10 Class is over and I take my first step out of the room
"Oh Lord, thank you for allowing me to live!"

Second Class: A new girl was in there and the instructor kept telling her to sit up and breath. She also kept saying "Don't worry you aren't going to die, nobody has ever been lucky enough to die in Bikram Yoga."

Third Class: Made it though class only looking at the clock once!

Fourth Class: I figured out how to really let go of tension and stress and just be in that moment. I learned how to get my breathing to help me through and I learned that this is actually a privilege I didn't have before and I was thankful for being there.

After thoughts: I have actually signed up for the summer classes to really invest into my body and mind. I am feeling happier, stronger, more self-control, stress control, and I can focus more when I am praying. I am understanding the trials are actually a blessing to go through that promote concentration and strength! I would encourage anyone who's brave enough to try it for one month (16 classes). Let me know how it goes!

...or should I say life in general. Life, as you all know, tends to flow in a constant cycles of highs and lows. We ride out the high times with glee and we ride out the low times with sweaty palms and faith. The same is true (times 10) with this church planting stuff. A week ago Celina, Nick and I were ready to pack up and move. We had dealt with such crap from the people we trusted. Also it felt as if God created more mystery about next steps with...friends, neighbors, church peeps, church vision, etc. We were up in arms about what to do. We were begging with God to give us faith, confirmation, direction and grace. We tried laughing it off, crying, yelling about it and dumping our hearts to best friends and family. Then came this week...

Tuesday night DCAF (women's Bible study) had been canceled last minute (which isn't uncommon). So, we decided to combine men's and women's DECAF on Wednesday night...why not? We had been meeting separate for months. Just about everyone came! Jeff and Debbie brought dessert with their fresh new understanding of who God is, Jonas and Julia brought Mexican lasagna with their wisdom of the faithfulness of God, Craig brought humility and vulnerability, Matt brought brownies with a passion to connect, Celina brought soda with her passion to serve, and Nick and I brought fruit with his amazing abilities to lead. The Spirit lead the whole conversation and we all walked away blessed by this amazing glimpse of the Kingdom of Heaven. In the last few days of this week, after that time, I've seen my neighbors with a new spark of the Holy Spirit. God is Good. This is what we came here to do! When we came we knew it would take time but we never would have guessed it would take 10 months to gather our first small group of 10 believers. That though, is the culture of Christ. It's take this long (or this little of time) for neighbors who didn't know each other's name to feel comfortable sharing matters of the heart with one another.

Thank you God for allowing us to see a piece of the Kingdom of Heaven at work in the lives of us and our neighbors, especially when we were feeling so discouraged.

Thank you all who have encouraged us through my last post. Nick and I have had some wonderful discussion about it and I feel as if we've made some really important gains. I am still praying and processing a few things so I'll post on that later.

A different kind of trust is required these days as Nick and I are going to be required to trust an adoption worker to represent us well to the state! We are going to be adopting a child!!!! We are still early in the process but half way through being certified adoptive parents through the state. It is finally time for us to tell the world about our journey! So, I'm also trusting you! I am trusting that you will be delicate and excited with us as our hearts are somewhat vulnerable. Trust us and know that this is a place that God has drawn us to. He is preparing our hearts and our home for the perfect child He has chosen for our family. We have a new blog that we will be updating frequently so please check it out! muccifamily.blogspot.com

I tend to willingly trust just about anyone that I have any interaction with and expect the same in return. I don't know if this is good or bad...or maybe it just is. I will say however that it can be very painful. What I'm about to share is no attempt at complaining or seeking sympathy, you must also know that life truly is good right now. I think I just want you all to know about someof the realities that we face. The hardest part about our ministry isn't tough life stories, starting with just a team of 3, ministry in Portland, or fearing for our safety. It's being let down repeatedly. We have been spending every day of the last 9 months attempting to connect with our new friends and neighbors and I have been learning about risk. I think that having been surrounded by generally loving and trusting people most of my life didn't prepare my heart for having to risk not being loved and trusted in return. There have been several days where new friends/neighbors don't return a call, don't show up for dinner, or ask for money to satisfy an untold addiction. We got used to the "I'm not sure if they will actually show up" and prepared ourselves with a backup plan so that the evening didn't go wasted. We learned somewhat slowly how to ensure our money wasn't going to support an addiction. We even are learning to rebound when we feel so hurt by the lack of information shared. As I reflect on this day alone between the two of us we have been used as an ATM, learned of another drug addiction (not by the person), were told about no progress on a long awaited job interview, and even now I am supposed to be meeting someone for coffee who never called. With each of these common occurrences I expected the other person/people to share enough information with me to allow me to prepared for a letdown. I trust these people fully. In fact, most of them will even have a large influence on my children someday. Yet, I feel my trust is betrayed when these things happen. I want so badly to trust them and to make excuses for why they behaved the way they did and to say that they didn't mean to. I also want so badly to push them out of my life, to skip the letdowns and heartaches, and to shelter my future children and friends that come to be a part of this community.
So, I guess I'm asking for some good advice on how to move forward. I am sure all of you have felt some form of this at some point or another. Maybe some of you are feeling it repeatedly like we are...How do we cope? I do know the Sunday school answer...God is the only one we can fully trust with our whole hearts, he never lets me down. He shows up to every meal and always tells the whole truth. When He withholds information it is to protect us and for our benefit. I also realize that there have been many times in my life when I treated God the same way these few friends and neighbors are and I pray of His forgiveness.

I was playing cards with a student and another kid was walking by when I said "it's still your turn"
The kid walking by stopped in his tracks, spun on his heels, and said "you can't steal the game! That's just not right!" I'm sure you figured it out but for those of you who don't have regular interaction with small children he thought I had said "let's steal the...(game or cards)!"

Well, Monday Nick went on a retreat and took the car because it was far away, leaving me with the bike and the bus. He dropped me off at work with the bike so I could ride it home on Tuesday with the plan being to ride the bus home Monday night.

After a very long Monday with the kiddos I collected my things and got my wallet out to get money for the bus. I learned I had forgotten to get the bus money that was set aside for this very evening leaving me with one dollar and several coins totaling only 1.50, it takes 2 to ride the bus. I work with kids so any chance of me finding a coin lying around to boost what I had was useless. I decided I would ride my bike home.

Here is how it went this time:
not enough layers of clothes
no helmet
darkness on the streets
no lights on my bike
a new rout with bike lanes!
a slight decline all the way home
the scene of city lights against the dark forest hills
time to clear my head and pray while I hoped for the best

In all, ride number 2 was much better than the first just slightly more dangerous.

Ride number 3 to and from work:
Warm sunny day
legs getting stronger
i pod
fresh air
other bikers
essentially all that riding in Portland should be!

Third times a charm:)

Over the last 5 months we have been going to Night Strike in "Hells Kitchen" in downtown Portland (see previous posts on mine and Nick's blog). Last night was another blessed evening there, I met an angel named Ben.

Ben was sent by God to preach to the preachers, befriend the homeless, and to live among the poor. This is no easy calling but the man delivered the love of God with beautiful grace. He shared his story with me and here are some of the highlights.

Ben had a rough childhood and many reasons to be full of hate and hostility toward the church and toward people in general. He had many reasons not to trust. As he shared this part of the story with me I saw the pain he felt and at the same time the peace he now has. After spending time in prison, time in Vietnam, years on drugs and alcohol he faced God and asked if He could do anything with the life Ben had messed up. From that very moment God flooded into his heart and created the Ben I met last night. For 20 years he's been living among the homeless and poor in transient housing in old town Portland. During our conversation about every 10 min. a homeless person would walk by and give him a hug or kiss on the cheek calling him Uncle Ben or Dad. He has become family for so many whom have been abandoned or betrayed by their families.

At one point in the converstaions two godly men came over who are recovered homelss crack useres and cons to tell me how wonderful Ben is and how he sang in church last week. I talked Ben into singing for us and it was the most beautiful moment ever, a divine moment. While under Burnside bridge on a Friday night, among 400 individuals (most homeless), surrounded by much commotion Ben sang "The Old Rugged Cross" I nearly burst into tears as this man ignored the noise and in a sweet bratone voice sang to our Almighty God.

I was the one blessed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. Ben's story inspired and reminded me about who God is. He taught me how to live like Jesus expects us to live.

Thank you Lord for your grace. For loving me when I loose sight of your true mission. When I get arrogent or boastful reminde me of Ben and his testamony, his calling, my calling.

Amen

I got a cute red bike for Christmas from my wonderful husband. I was in a somewhat dream like state when I pictured myself in perfect sunshine and 70 degrees on my way to work on my red bike. Well, who has time to wait around for sunny and 70 in Portland? Not ME! Yesterday I got the bike out and hopped on and headed to work. Here is a little of what I experienced...
35 degrees with wind in my face
frozen snot
no sunglasses resulting in the left eye crying the entire way
4.5 miles up hill
knee cramps from not adjusting the seat properly
a gag every now and then becasue I didn't know how to work my new helmet
stopping traffic because the bike lane disappeared

But...I made it! It may be a while before I hop on the bike again but when that day comes I know a few things to fix before I jump on so eagerly.

Somehow my kids and I got on the belly button discussion and why do humans have them but dogs don't? I proceeded to tell them that when we are in our mom's bellies this is how we are fed. A boy in my class interrupts at this point and says:
"oh yeah, I remember hearing about this before. We are connected to our mom's testicles to get food!"
I just laughed and moved on with the discussion.