Tea and Sweatpants...

I started this post a few weeks ago and just finally finished it. In reflecting on our journey 2 years ago I giggled at how much our adoption story is like a birth story.

After 9 long months of preparation labor finally began. It took 9 months of intense training, interviews, and assessment. We were stripped raw and examined from every angle. Are we fit to be parents? This was asked of us in about a billion different ways. Once it was confirmed we "passed the test" we were then reexamined to determine what type of child we could "handle." We didn't have the physical pains of pregnancy but we had so much emotional pains. Around 20 weeks when you feel the first flutters and kicks of a baby we were feeling pokes and prodding from the state.

At the end of October we began seeking and praying for the child/ren that God would have for us. We submitted our home study to several case workers in hopes we would be chosen for committee (one of the three families that get chosen for committee are the selected parents). Early in November we were told we were selected to go to committee for two little boys. The same anticipation and fears that comes in the last month of pregnancy grips you.

Committee day came. Much like a due date comes. "Today could be the day I become a mother," I think to myself, "or it could just be another day." We didn't have much hope for being chosen, most families are not chosen with the first committee meeting (much like most first time mother do not deliver on their due date). We just planned that it was another painful step in the process. I went to work as usual, Nick went to work as usual. Our case worker, Elizabeth, called us to pray for God to lead the meeting. Nick and I were both home briefly for lunch and that is when committee was supposed to end and we were supposed to get the call. But, much like false labor it wasn't time yet. Nick went back to work and I continued to wait by the phone, nervous, praying, wondering, dreaming... Finally the phone rang and Elizabeth's name came up on the screen, I braced myself and took the call. Her words were "I'm sorry it took so long, but it was worth the wait. You are a mommy now!" I could hardly speak I didn't know if I should laugh or cry or run around like a crazy person. I called Nick to relay the amazing news. I sat there silent for a few moments just taking it all in and thinking "should I be crying right now?" The funny thing is that is the same reaction I had when Nick purposed and when Mia was born. Just plain silent awe.

A week later (yes, only 7 days)the boys were in the back seat of the car and we were driving home. The same feeling of fear and reality hit me pulling out of the driveway of the foster home that I had leaving the hospital with Mia.

We are now 6 days away from Mia's due date. She's due Friday, September 30th, we'll see! In the last few weeks we've acquired some new Mucci rhythms. You didn't know we were musical did you? Nick happens to be very musically inclined and the boys sing, create and play music all day long so I might as well be too:) But as you guessed those aren't exactly the rhythms I'm speaking of. Life is just sort of continuing to shift and transition, to phase from one lovely moment to the next.

I did manage to find a way to slow down a bit, it mostly came from lowering my expectations of a clean home. The last month has been really warm and it's not given me much choice but to slow down. Dom and I see a therapist weekly and I believe she is there more for my sake than his. I still find it hard to believe I am actually going to have a 3rd child, and a daughter at that. Eli attends a "practice" preschool two days a week (totaling a mere three hours) and Dom goes to real preschool 5 days a week for three hours a day! I went from being truly home and truly dictating our schedule daily to rushing out the door to begin the morning as taxi lady. Nick is still working 30 hours as grounds and maintenance, they just won't let him drop 10 more, praying for that opportunity soon though. He's devoted to his call to develop the B Moore project and I've never seen him have so much peace and be so alive as when he talks about this. I am finding myself still devoted to our 6 families we serve through Manna Truck and being a facilitator for other community leaders to devote in the same way.

For now I enjoy these rhythms; the structure that school brings, the support of therapy, the peace in knowing our call, and the way pregnancy slows me down.

I know the sound will change soon, maybe in less than 6 days, but I am prepared to seek out the beauty in how the current collides with the next phase.

As I prepare for the birth of our third child life seems a bit crazy right now. The beautiful thing is that it seems crazy in theory not necessarily in actual activity. When I think about the list of things I would like done before the end of September (Mia's arrival, boys start preschool, and football season for Nick) I get frantic but then I take a step back, slightly lower my expectations, and appreciate what I can get done today.

There is so much to do for Mia. I am busy discussing, reading and writing a birth plan yet all the while fully knowing it could be thrown out the window. I have a huge stack of clothes to sort and wash yet fully knowing all she needs are a few sleepers and diapers for a while. Hospital preregistration, hospital bag packing, etc. are just some more things that "should be done" that in reality will work itself out. So, Mia, today I choose to remember my prenatal vitamin and to add to your pile the "baby legs" I made you a few days ago.

There is so much to do for Dom. My eldest, most independent, most exuberant child. My sweet child that I have such little grace for because it's like holding up a mirror to my own personality. He starts preschool at the end of September, this will be a huge transition for him. I have no doubt he will LOVE being around his peers (he gets along GREAT with other kids) and no doubt he will love the new challenges and things he will learn. I do however fear the transition of authority. Yet ANOTHER care give in his life to guide and nurture him. I suppose it has to happen sooner or later and better now in small doses than all day all week all at one time. I am working on creating his Life Book. This is a book that is written in 4 year old language about his life before we met him. It's my way to tell him about his past, to help answer some identity questions he's been having, and to tell him I love ALL of him even the things that have hurt him before. This book must be done before Mia arrives or it will be another 2 years before it comes! But, again, today is only a day and I can only do so much. So, my Dommer, today I will take to you to your first therapy session so you can continue to work though some of your fears, hurts, and anxieties as we transition through the next two months.

There is so much to do for Eli. He is currently and has always been (even in his foster homes) the baby of the family. He takes pride in his cuteness, sweetness, and ability to charm. He is in constant need of extra snuggles, kisses, encouragement, and smiles. Whenever there are kids around younger than him there is no doubt jealousy for the attention they receive. Along with completing Eli's life book I need to double up on the loving for this child. So, for today when we are all 4 at the park, or playing in the sprinklers in the yard Eli gets extra snuggles and encouraging words.

So, to my 2 children and soon to be three I pray that God would guide me on how to love you deeply and meet your precious needs daily. That I could learn to maintain a presence of peace despite your so very different stages of life, love, and development. Being a mother is hard, so please give me grace.

So many wonderful things are happening right now. Also, a many number of challenging things are happening too!

Marriage- Today is our 5 year anniversary! I feel like we have experience so much of life together in such a short amount of time. I can't believe we are about to be parents of three children biologically and through adopton. I can't believe we've built missionary lives for ourselves here in Portland. I can't believe some of the struggles we've faced and overcome. God is amazing to me and there is so much joy and love in this marriage. I can't imagine loving this man any more than I already do, yet I know how much deeper my love grows with every year that passes.

Parenting- As the boys develop through various phases I find so much difficulty and so much love in each of those phases. There are things they say and do that make my blood boil like I never knew it could and there are things they say and do that make my heart cling to them like I never knew it could. Our baby girl, Mia, is developing in such a healthy way and she's getting so strong. I really enjoy pregnancy (at least up to this point) and feel so blessed to have experienced it. I have some friend and family that the Lord has brought us to that have proven to be amazing mentors and challenge me to love my children deeper each day.

Ministry- A few reminders I've been hit with the last month; God provides for EVERY need, God knows our weaknesses and give us grace through our maturing process, God knows my children better than I do. Our Manna Truck families are getting provided for even when I was sure they wouldn't. Nick's BMoore project kicks off in about a week despite challenges of time and resources. We have time to love each other as a family even when I thought time would be completely scarce through these summer months.

There are so many more things to say about each of these, hopefully I'll post on it later!