Tea and Sweatpants...

Thank you all who have encouraged us through my last post. Nick and I have had some wonderful discussion about it and I feel as if we've made some really important gains. I am still praying and processing a few things so I'll post on that later.

A different kind of trust is required these days as Nick and I are going to be required to trust an adoption worker to represent us well to the state! We are going to be adopting a child!!!! We are still early in the process but half way through being certified adoptive parents through the state. It is finally time for us to tell the world about our journey! So, I'm also trusting you! I am trusting that you will be delicate and excited with us as our hearts are somewhat vulnerable. Trust us and know that this is a place that God has drawn us to. He is preparing our hearts and our home for the perfect child He has chosen for our family. We have a new blog that we will be updating frequently so please check it out! muccifamily.blogspot.com

I tend to willingly trust just about anyone that I have any interaction with and expect the same in return. I don't know if this is good or bad...or maybe it just is. I will say however that it can be very painful. What I'm about to share is no attempt at complaining or seeking sympathy, you must also know that life truly is good right now. I think I just want you all to know about someof the realities that we face. The hardest part about our ministry isn't tough life stories, starting with just a team of 3, ministry in Portland, or fearing for our safety. It's being let down repeatedly. We have been spending every day of the last 9 months attempting to connect with our new friends and neighbors and I have been learning about risk. I think that having been surrounded by generally loving and trusting people most of my life didn't prepare my heart for having to risk not being loved and trusted in return. There have been several days where new friends/neighbors don't return a call, don't show up for dinner, or ask for money to satisfy an untold addiction. We got used to the "I'm not sure if they will actually show up" and prepared ourselves with a backup plan so that the evening didn't go wasted. We learned somewhat slowly how to ensure our money wasn't going to support an addiction. We even are learning to rebound when we feel so hurt by the lack of information shared. As I reflect on this day alone between the two of us we have been used as an ATM, learned of another drug addiction (not by the person), were told about no progress on a long awaited job interview, and even now I am supposed to be meeting someone for coffee who never called. With each of these common occurrences I expected the other person/people to share enough information with me to allow me to prepared for a letdown. I trust these people fully. In fact, most of them will even have a large influence on my children someday. Yet, I feel my trust is betrayed when these things happen. I want so badly to trust them and to make excuses for why they behaved the way they did and to say that they didn't mean to. I also want so badly to push them out of my life, to skip the letdowns and heartaches, and to shelter my future children and friends that come to be a part of this community.
So, I guess I'm asking for some good advice on how to move forward. I am sure all of you have felt some form of this at some point or another. Maybe some of you are feeling it repeatedly like we are...How do we cope? I do know the Sunday school answer...God is the only one we can fully trust with our whole hearts, he never lets me down. He shows up to every meal and always tells the whole truth. When He withholds information it is to protect us and for our benefit. I also realize that there have been many times in my life when I treated God the same way these few friends and neighbors are and I pray of His forgiveness.

I was playing cards with a student and another kid was walking by when I said "it's still your turn"
The kid walking by stopped in his tracks, spun on his heels, and said "you can't steal the game! That's just not right!" I'm sure you figured it out but for those of you who don't have regular interaction with small children he thought I had said "let's steal the...(game or cards)!"

Well, Monday Nick went on a retreat and took the car because it was far away, leaving me with the bike and the bus. He dropped me off at work with the bike so I could ride it home on Tuesday with the plan being to ride the bus home Monday night.

After a very long Monday with the kiddos I collected my things and got my wallet out to get money for the bus. I learned I had forgotten to get the bus money that was set aside for this very evening leaving me with one dollar and several coins totaling only 1.50, it takes 2 to ride the bus. I work with kids so any chance of me finding a coin lying around to boost what I had was useless. I decided I would ride my bike home.

Here is how it went this time:
not enough layers of clothes
no helmet
darkness on the streets
no lights on my bike
a new rout with bike lanes!
a slight decline all the way home
the scene of city lights against the dark forest hills
time to clear my head and pray while I hoped for the best

In all, ride number 2 was much better than the first just slightly more dangerous.

Ride number 3 to and from work:
Warm sunny day
legs getting stronger
i pod
fresh air
other bikers
essentially all that riding in Portland should be!

Third times a charm:)