Tea and Sweatpants...

I started this post a few weeks ago and just finally finished it. In reflecting on our journey 2 years ago I giggled at how much our adoption story is like a birth story.

After 9 long months of preparation labor finally began. It took 9 months of intense training, interviews, and assessment. We were stripped raw and examined from every angle. Are we fit to be parents? This was asked of us in about a billion different ways. Once it was confirmed we "passed the test" we were then reexamined to determine what type of child we could "handle." We didn't have the physical pains of pregnancy but we had so much emotional pains. Around 20 weeks when you feel the first flutters and kicks of a baby we were feeling pokes and prodding from the state.

At the end of October we began seeking and praying for the child/ren that God would have for us. We submitted our home study to several case workers in hopes we would be chosen for committee (one of the three families that get chosen for committee are the selected parents). Early in November we were told we were selected to go to committee for two little boys. The same anticipation and fears that comes in the last month of pregnancy grips you.

Committee day came. Much like a due date comes. "Today could be the day I become a mother," I think to myself, "or it could just be another day." We didn't have much hope for being chosen, most families are not chosen with the first committee meeting (much like most first time mother do not deliver on their due date). We just planned that it was another painful step in the process. I went to work as usual, Nick went to work as usual. Our case worker, Elizabeth, called us to pray for God to lead the meeting. Nick and I were both home briefly for lunch and that is when committee was supposed to end and we were supposed to get the call. But, much like false labor it wasn't time yet. Nick went back to work and I continued to wait by the phone, nervous, praying, wondering, dreaming... Finally the phone rang and Elizabeth's name came up on the screen, I braced myself and took the call. Her words were "I'm sorry it took so long, but it was worth the wait. You are a mommy now!" I could hardly speak I didn't know if I should laugh or cry or run around like a crazy person. I called Nick to relay the amazing news. I sat there silent for a few moments just taking it all in and thinking "should I be crying right now?" The funny thing is that is the same reaction I had when Nick purposed and when Mia was born. Just plain silent awe.

A week later (yes, only 7 days)the boys were in the back seat of the car and we were driving home. The same feeling of fear and reality hit me pulling out of the driveway of the foster home that I had leaving the hospital with Mia.

We are now 6 days away from Mia's due date. She's due Friday, September 30th, we'll see! In the last few weeks we've acquired some new Mucci rhythms. You didn't know we were musical did you? Nick happens to be very musically inclined and the boys sing, create and play music all day long so I might as well be too:) But as you guessed those aren't exactly the rhythms I'm speaking of. Life is just sort of continuing to shift and transition, to phase from one lovely moment to the next.

I did manage to find a way to slow down a bit, it mostly came from lowering my expectations of a clean home. The last month has been really warm and it's not given me much choice but to slow down. Dom and I see a therapist weekly and I believe she is there more for my sake than his. I still find it hard to believe I am actually going to have a 3rd child, and a daughter at that. Eli attends a "practice" preschool two days a week (totaling a mere three hours) and Dom goes to real preschool 5 days a week for three hours a day! I went from being truly home and truly dictating our schedule daily to rushing out the door to begin the morning as taxi lady. Nick is still working 30 hours as grounds and maintenance, they just won't let him drop 10 more, praying for that opportunity soon though. He's devoted to his call to develop the B Moore project and I've never seen him have so much peace and be so alive as when he talks about this. I am finding myself still devoted to our 6 families we serve through Manna Truck and being a facilitator for other community leaders to devote in the same way.

For now I enjoy these rhythms; the structure that school brings, the support of therapy, the peace in knowing our call, and the way pregnancy slows me down.

I know the sound will change soon, maybe in less than 6 days, but I am prepared to seek out the beauty in how the current collides with the next phase.

As I prepare for the birth of our third child life seems a bit crazy right now. The beautiful thing is that it seems crazy in theory not necessarily in actual activity. When I think about the list of things I would like done before the end of September (Mia's arrival, boys start preschool, and football season for Nick) I get frantic but then I take a step back, slightly lower my expectations, and appreciate what I can get done today.

There is so much to do for Mia. I am busy discussing, reading and writing a birth plan yet all the while fully knowing it could be thrown out the window. I have a huge stack of clothes to sort and wash yet fully knowing all she needs are a few sleepers and diapers for a while. Hospital preregistration, hospital bag packing, etc. are just some more things that "should be done" that in reality will work itself out. So, Mia, today I choose to remember my prenatal vitamin and to add to your pile the "baby legs" I made you a few days ago.

There is so much to do for Dom. My eldest, most independent, most exuberant child. My sweet child that I have such little grace for because it's like holding up a mirror to my own personality. He starts preschool at the end of September, this will be a huge transition for him. I have no doubt he will LOVE being around his peers (he gets along GREAT with other kids) and no doubt he will love the new challenges and things he will learn. I do however fear the transition of authority. Yet ANOTHER care give in his life to guide and nurture him. I suppose it has to happen sooner or later and better now in small doses than all day all week all at one time. I am working on creating his Life Book. This is a book that is written in 4 year old language about his life before we met him. It's my way to tell him about his past, to help answer some identity questions he's been having, and to tell him I love ALL of him even the things that have hurt him before. This book must be done before Mia arrives or it will be another 2 years before it comes! But, again, today is only a day and I can only do so much. So, my Dommer, today I will take to you to your first therapy session so you can continue to work though some of your fears, hurts, and anxieties as we transition through the next two months.

There is so much to do for Eli. He is currently and has always been (even in his foster homes) the baby of the family. He takes pride in his cuteness, sweetness, and ability to charm. He is in constant need of extra snuggles, kisses, encouragement, and smiles. Whenever there are kids around younger than him there is no doubt jealousy for the attention they receive. Along with completing Eli's life book I need to double up on the loving for this child. So, for today when we are all 4 at the park, or playing in the sprinklers in the yard Eli gets extra snuggles and encouraging words.

So, to my 2 children and soon to be three I pray that God would guide me on how to love you deeply and meet your precious needs daily. That I could learn to maintain a presence of peace despite your so very different stages of life, love, and development. Being a mother is hard, so please give me grace.

So many wonderful things are happening right now. Also, a many number of challenging things are happening too!

Marriage- Today is our 5 year anniversary! I feel like we have experience so much of life together in such a short amount of time. I can't believe we are about to be parents of three children biologically and through adopton. I can't believe we've built missionary lives for ourselves here in Portland. I can't believe some of the struggles we've faced and overcome. God is amazing to me and there is so much joy and love in this marriage. I can't imagine loving this man any more than I already do, yet I know how much deeper my love grows with every year that passes.

Parenting- As the boys develop through various phases I find so much difficulty and so much love in each of those phases. There are things they say and do that make my blood boil like I never knew it could and there are things they say and do that make my heart cling to them like I never knew it could. Our baby girl, Mia, is developing in such a healthy way and she's getting so strong. I really enjoy pregnancy (at least up to this point) and feel so blessed to have experienced it. I have some friend and family that the Lord has brought us to that have proven to be amazing mentors and challenge me to love my children deeper each day.

Ministry- A few reminders I've been hit with the last month; God provides for EVERY need, God knows our weaknesses and give us grace through our maturing process, God knows my children better than I do. Our Manna Truck families are getting provided for even when I was sure they wouldn't. Nick's BMoore project kicks off in about a week despite challenges of time and resources. We have time to love each other as a family even when I thought time would be completely scarce through these summer months.

There are so many more things to say about each of these, hopefully I'll post on it later!

I haven't spent much time researching quality media for teaching my kids about adoption but I've found a few that I really love. There are SEVERAL quality children's books out there. One of our favorites is A Mother For Chaco. There are many movies that use adoption as the "hook" and reflects adoption in such a poor light. In fact, I personally don't know of a single movie that talks about adoption in a good light. I'm sure it's out there just haven't seen it yet.

For the last few weeks the boys have been obsessed with a show on our local PBS station called Dinosaur Train. They love it because it's about dinosaurs and I love it because it actually teaches about families that are formed through adoption. This show does a beautiful job at handling these delicate subjects. If you are a family with adopted children or want to teach your biological children about adoption please take the time to read this article and check out the show.

Resting time continues to boggle my mind. So I've written about Eli's adventures with climbing and I think I've mentioned Dom's curiosity with the unloading things in our room (like diapers or T.P.). I don't think I've mentioned Eli's outfits though:)

Almost every day Eli decides it's his job to play a little dress up, usually with Dom's clothes. The fun thing about this is that he manages to clothe himself so creatively! Usually it's putting underwear over his diaper, using socks as mittens, layering three shirts or sporting a pair of swim trunks. The best is he also usually falls asleep dressed this way.

Yesterday I nearly fell over laughing when he came to the door adorned in his afternoon attire. The first thing he said though was "I stuck mommy." Hum...never a good thing to hear from your toddler. Sure enough, he was stuck alright! He decided to try on Dom's underwear which included a few pairs of boxers and few pairs of briefs. The funny thing is that he had put them on over his head through the waste band and a leg hole and had them all piled up like a scarf around his neck and he had managed to stack them so high he literally was stuck.

Oh my little Eli, what will you be wearing tomorrow?

P.S. Tomorrow is Eli's Birthday!!!

The boys for the most part have given up naps. This is both good and bad. Good things include; early bed time and more flexibility within our day. Bad things include; rough afternoon from about 2:00 on, limits what we can do in the evenings (which for our ministry is really tough). They still have a regular one hour "rest" time in the day so we can all mellow for a bit. Sometimes they still sleep, yesterday was one of those great days:)

Today I got them both in their places for resting time. Eli gets the boy's room and Dom gets our room. After somewhere around 30 min I heard commotion from both rooms. Let me interrupt and say I've heard it said that toddler years are the precursor to teenage years, today I truly believe it. Dom had found a fresh roll of T.P. and decided to practice his T.P. skills for his teen years. He managed to unroll that sucker in a matter of minutes! A huge heaping pile of T.P. was there to greet me when I walked into the room. Awesome. Then I heard a crash from the other room. Eli decided to practice his climbing skills, I think this kid is going to do extreme sports of some kind. First, when I entered the room I was hit with poopy diaper stink, nasty! Second thing I noticed was that Eli was sitting in the top drawer of his dresser looking at me with big owl eyes. I quickly scanned the rest of the room to calculate other damage. He climbed the dresser to reach all the thing on the top bunk including the ladder. Somehow he managed to pull that off without falling and it hit the overhead light scattering bits of light bulb all over the room which happened to be sprinkled over the heaps of clothes that once occupied the drawer that Eli was sitting in.

Somehow I missed the secret signals at lunch today indicating today was the day:)

We are almost at 12 weeks now, this is very exciting! I've had a fairly sick free pregnancy with the exception of nausea spurred on by certain smells in the kitchen. Nick has been amazing though and for the most part has been doing the cooking and cleaning so I don't have to deal with that.

Other early symptoms that I've been experiencing are weird dreams and body image issues. I feel as if I'm in the "fat" stage of pregnancy. I have a slight bulge and feel bloated all over. I've been struggling with this feeling and being concerned that I've gained too much weight already. I have an amazing friend who just wrote a blog about this that completely blessed my heart here. Thank you Lauren for sharing your journey so the Lord can teach me about mine.

Dreams. I've always had weird/graphic dreams. Nearly every morning I can report at least one of my dreams from the night before. Due to the surge of hormones as of late my dreams have been VERY odd.

For a good laugh here is a preview of my dream journey last night:
Dream 1: I am a 17 year old girl named Beth and I have an 11 year old brother and I live in a small house with my parents (who look/act nothing like any of my actual family or anyone I know). My dad is a police officer who was trying to chase down this 11 year old red head crazy kid killer. My brother and I were trying to help him because he was after me next. In the middle of the night he snuck in, attacked my brother, left him with a cracked rib, and came to get me. I tackled him down and called out SEVERAL times for my dad to come and after a long 5 min he came and got the kid.

Dream 2: I'm walking in a bikini with my pregnant self and a friend to a resort to say farewell to friends who just got kicked out of their apt. After a dip in the pool I realized I forgot a change of clothes so as we were pushed on to the party I was standing in a mass of people trying to "play it cool" while they were dressed formal for a farewell party and I stood in a bikini with a slightly pregnant belly! I went on to the rest of the party, which was odd in itself, ended up at least partially dressed and the guests of honor never did arrive.

Dream 3: I was with 2 old friends from Elementary school in Manhattan and we were meeting a 3rd friend from my childhood who just opened her club. When we saw her she was now a man! She led us into the club which was REALLY cool by the way, and we sat and had margaritas (mine a virgin of course) and chatted about love and life and such.

Yep, those were all from last night! I left out tons of detail because the blog would have been pages long:)

It's paying off!

Finances are a taboo subject, and rightly so, but it is my duty to report the goodness of God and a bit of our journey that we are on. Also, I can hardly hold it in:)

We've been living in the "cheap" category for the full (almost 5 years) of our young marriage and young family. Honestly I think most young marrieds, especially if they have kids, live on a strict budget or beyond their means. For the first few years of marriage we floundered our way through our finances. We stumbled through some financial classes and learned how to be responsible and to talk to each other about money without yelling. We acquired some minor debt with the purchase of our car, the move to Portland, and some other things. This was all manageable (yet irresponsible) until about 18 months ago. We hit a rough patch financially, the boys moved in, I became full time mom and our journey to extreme frugality began in order for us to stay above water. Now, also in the last 18 months we've found ways to aquire some more income and to receive some financial support from other avenues.

The combination of frugal living, financial blessings from God, and a bit of creativity has given us this day debt free! We still owe an arm and leg to our private Nazarene schools but other than that the car is ours and every penny of loose debt is gone!!! Yesterday we paid off the last few pieces of that and are praising God for this financial journey we've been on. In a few months we'll be buying a van (yup, family of 5 with 3 car seats don't fit in a small car) in 100% cash! Our money from the sale of the Blazer will fill our emergency fund and we'll begin saving to buy a house.

What a huge relief, a huge burden lifted!

Anyway, with the exception of a few things I've still been striving to be eco friendly about our home and body products. Not only is this good for all our growth and living but also for our budget. I can't even tell you how much we have saved on our "household" budget by taking a few minutes to make these products.

Two more ways to save:
1. Face Wash: I have been using honey as face wash. I put some in one of those plastic travel shampoo containers to keep in the shower, it works as well as any other cleanser and is very gentile on my face.
2. Eye Makeup Remover: I put a small dot of the boy's tear free baby shampoo on a tissue and it wipes all eye makeup right off.
3. Hand lotion: It's really dry these days in the NW so instead of stocking up on travel size lotions (they are overpriced) I buy a travel container and fill it with my favorite body lotion and keep that in the car/purse. This is MUCH cheaper.
4. Reed diffusers: Our reed diffusers get all nasty after a while from getting flipped so much. We bought a bulk size bottle of scent and we fill a small container with it. I found that wooden bamboo secures (that you use for kabobs and such) work great. I'm sure wooden chopsticks ("gifted" from your favorite take out) would work as diffusers as well.