Tea and Sweatpants...

2 years...

2011-11-17T14:13:00.000-08:00

I started this post a few weeks ago and just finally finished it. In reflecting on our journey 2 years ago I giggled at how much our adoption story is like a birth story.

After 9 long months of preparation labor finally began. It took 9 months of intense training, interviews, and assessment. We were stripped raw and examined from every angle. Are we fit to be parents? This was asked of us in about a billion different ways. Once it was confirmed we "passed the test" we were then reexamined to determine what type of child we could "handle." We didn't have the physical pains of pregnancy but we had so much emotional pains. Around 20 weeks when you feel the first flutters and kicks of a baby we were feeling pokes and prodding from the state.

At the end of October we began seeking and praying for the child/ren that God would have for us. We submitted our home study to several case workers in hopes we would be chosen for committee (one of the three families that get chosen for committee are the selected parents). Early in November we were told we were selected to go to committee for two little boys. The same anticipation and fears that comes in the last month of pregnancy grips you.

Committee day came. Much like a due date comes. "Today could be the day I become a mother," I think to myself, "or it could just be another day." We didn't have much hope for being chosen, most families are not chosen with the first committee meeting (much like most first time mother do not deliver on their due date). We just planned that it was another painful step in the process. I went to work as usual, Nick went to work as usual. Our case worker, Elizabeth, called us to pray for God to lead the meeting. Nick and I were both home briefly for lunch and that is when committee was supposed to end and we were supposed to get the call. But, much like false labor it wasn't time yet. Nick went back to work and I continued to wait by the phone, nervous, praying, wondering, dreaming... Finally the phone rang and Elizabeth's name came up on the screen, I braced myself and took the call. Her words were "I'm sorry it took so long, but it was worth the wait. You are a mommy now!" I could hardly speak I didn't know if I should laugh or cry or run around like a crazy person. I called Nick to relay the amazing news. I sat there silent for a few moments just taking it all in and thinking "should I be crying right now?" The funny thing is that is the same reaction I had when Nick purposed and when Mia was born. Just plain silent awe.

A week later (yes, only 7 days)the boys were in the back seat of the car and we were driving home. The same feeling of fear and reality hit me pulling out of the driveway of the foster home that I had leaving the hospital with Mia.

The new rythms of life...

2011-09-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

We are now 6 days away from Mia's due date. She's due Friday, September 30th, we'll see! In the last few weeks we've acquired some new Mucci rhythms. You didn't know we were musical did you? Nick happens to be very musically inclined and the boys sing, create and play music all day long so I might as well be too:) But as you guessed those aren't exactly the rhythms I'm speaking of. Life is just sort of continuing to shift and transition, to phase from one lovely moment to the next.

I did manage to find a way to slow down a bit, it mostly came from lowering my expectations of a clean home. The last month has been really warm and it's not given me much choice but to slow down. Dom and I see a therapist weekly and I believe she is there more for my sake than his. I still find it hard to believe I am actually going to have a 3rd child, and a daughter at that. Eli attends a "practice" preschool two days a week (totaling a mere three hours) and Dom goes to real preschool 5 days a week for three hours a day! I went from being truly home and truly dictating our schedule daily to rushing out the door to begin the morning as taxi lady. Nick is still working 30 hours as grounds and maintenance, they just won't let him drop 10 more, praying for that opportunity soon though. He's devoted to his call to develop the B Moore project and I've never seen him have so much peace and be so alive as when he talks about this. I am finding myself still devoted to our 6 families we serve through Manna Truck and being a facilitator for other community leaders to devote in the same way.

For now I enjoy these rhythms; the structure that school brings, the support of therapy, the peace in knowing our call, and the way pregnancy slows me down.

I know the sound will change soon, maybe in less than 6 days, but I am prepared to seek out the beauty in how the current collides with the next phase.

What I can do, for now...

2011-08-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

As I prepare for the birth of our third child life seems a bit crazy right now. The beautiful thing is that it seems crazy in theory not necessarily in actual activity. When I think about the list of things I would like done before the end of September (Mia's arrival, boys start preschool, and football season for Nick) I get frantic but then I take a step back, slightly lower my expectations, and appreciate what I can get done today.

There is so much to do for Mia. I am busy discussing, reading and writing a birth plan yet all the while fully knowing it could be thrown out the window. I have a huge stack of clothes to sort and wash yet fully knowing all she needs are a few sleepers and diapers for a while. Hospital preregistration, hospital bag packing, etc. are just some more things that "should be done" that in reality will work itself out. So, Mia, today I choose to remember my prenatal vitamin and to add to your pile the "baby legs" I made you a few days ago.

There is so much to do for Dom. My eldest, most independent, most exuberant child. My sweet child that I have such little grace for because it's like holding up a mirror to my own personality. He starts preschool at the end of September, this will be a huge transition for him. I have no doubt he will LOVE being around his peers (he gets along GREAT with other kids) and no doubt he will love the new challenges and things he will learn. I do however fear the transition of authority. Yet ANOTHER care give in his life to guide and nurture him. I suppose it has to happen sooner or later and better now in small doses than all day all week all at one time. I am working on creating his Life Book. This is a book that is written in 4 year old language about his life before we met him. It's my way to tell him about his past, to help answer some identity questions he's been having, and to tell him I love ALL of him even the things that have hurt him before. This book must be done before Mia arrives or it will be another 2 years before it comes! But, again, today is only a day and I can only do so much. So, my Dommer, today I will take to you to your first therapy session so you can continue to work though some of your fears, hurts, and anxieties as we transition through the next two months.

There is so much to do for Eli. He is currently and has always been (even in his foster homes) the baby of the family. He takes pride in his cuteness, sweetness, and ability to charm. He is in constant need of extra snuggles, kisses, encouragement, and smiles. Whenever there are kids around younger than him there is no doubt jealousy for the attention they receive. Along with completing Eli's life book I need to double up on the loving for this child. So, for today when we are all 4 at the park, or playing in the sprinklers in the yard Eli gets extra snuggles and encouraging words.

So, to my 2 children and soon to be three I pray that God would guide me on how to love you deeply and meet your precious needs daily. That I could learn to maintain a presence of peace despite your so very different stages of life, love, and development. Being a mother is hard, so please give me grace.

Where do I begin...

2011-07-01T13:07:00.001-07:00

So many wonderful things are happening right now. Also, a many number of challenging things are happening too!

Marriage- Today is our 5 year anniversary! I feel like we have experience so much of life together in such a short amount of time. I can't believe we are about to be parents of three children biologically and through adopton. I can't believe we've built missionary lives for ourselves here in Portland. I can't believe some of the struggles we've faced and overcome. God is amazing to me and there is so much joy and love in this marriage. I can't imagine loving this man any more than I already do, yet I know how much deeper my love grows with every year that passes.

Parenting- As the boys develop through various phases I find so much difficulty and so much love in each of those phases. There are things they say and do that make my blood boil like I never knew it could and there are things they say and do that make my heart cling to them like I never knew it could. Our baby girl, Mia, is developing in such a healthy way and she's getting so strong. I really enjoy pregnancy (at least up to this point) and feel so blessed to have experienced it. I have some friend and family that the Lord has brought us to that have proven to be amazing mentors and challenge me to love my children deeper each day.

Ministry- A few reminders I've been hit with the last month; God provides for EVERY need, God knows our weaknesses and give us grace through our maturing process, God knows my children better than I do. Our Manna Truck families are getting provided for even when I was sure they wouldn't. Nick's BMoore project kicks off in about a week despite challenges of time and resources. We have time to love each other as a family even when I thought time would be completely scarce through these summer months.

There are so many more things to say about each of these, hopefully I'll post on it later!

Adoption Books, Movies and Shows...

2011-05-11T12:57:00.001-07:00

I haven't spent much time researching quality media for teaching my kids about adoption but I've found a few that I really love. There are SEVERAL quality children's books out there. One of our favorites is A Mother For Chaco. There are many movies that use adoption as the "hook" and reflects adoption in such a poor light. In fact, I personally don't know of a single movie that talks about adoption in a good light. I'm sure it's out there just haven't seen it yet.

For the last few weeks the boys have been obsessed with a show on our local PBS station called Dinosaur Train. They love it because it's about dinosaurs and I love it because it actually teaches about families that are formed through adoption. This show does a beautiful job at handling these delicate subjects. If you are a family with adopted children or want to teach your biological children about adoption please take the time to read this article and check out the show.

The continuing story...

2011-04-21T19:09:00.001-07:00

Resting time continues to boggle my mind. So I've written about Eli's adventures with climbing and I think I've mentioned Dom's curiosity with the unloading things in our room (like diapers or T.P.). I don't think I've mentioned Eli's outfits though:)

Almost every day Eli decides it's his job to play a little dress up, usually with Dom's clothes. The fun thing about this is that he manages to clothe himself so creatively! Usually it's putting underwear over his diaper, using socks as mittens, layering three shirts or sporting a pair of swim trunks. The best is he also usually falls asleep dressed this way.

Yesterday I nearly fell over laughing when he came to the door adorned in his afternoon attire. The first thing he said though was "I stuck mommy." Hum...never a good thing to hear from your toddler. Sure enough, he was stuck alright! He decided to try on Dom's underwear which included a few pairs of boxers and few pairs of briefs. The funny thing is that he had put them on over his head through the waste band and a leg hole and had them all piled up like a scarf around his neck and he had managed to stack them so high he literally was stuck.

Oh my little Eli, what will you be wearing tomorrow?

P.S. Tomorrow is Eli's Birthday!!!

Resting Time...

2011-03-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

The boys for the most part have given up naps. This is both good and bad. Good things include; early bed time and more flexibility within our day. Bad things include; rough afternoon from about 2:00 on, limits what we can do in the evenings (which for our ministry is really tough). They still have a regular one hour "rest" time in the day so we can all mellow for a bit. Sometimes they still sleep, yesterday was one of those great days:)

Today I got them both in their places for resting time. Eli gets the boy's room and Dom gets our room. After somewhere around 30 min I heard commotion from both rooms. Let me interrupt and say I've heard it said that toddler years are the precursor to teenage years, today I truly believe it. Dom had found a fresh roll of T.P. and decided to practice his T.P. skills for his teen years. He managed to unroll that sucker in a matter of minutes! A huge heaping pile of T.P. was there to greet me when I walked into the room. Awesome. Then I heard a crash from the other room. Eli decided to practice his climbing skills, I think this kid is going to do extreme sports of some kind. First, when I entered the room I was hit with poopy diaper stink, nasty! Second thing I noticed was that Eli was sitting in the top drawer of his dresser looking at me with big owl eyes. I quickly scanned the rest of the room to calculate other damage. He climbed the dresser to reach all the thing on the top bunk including the ladder. Somehow he managed to pull that off without falling and it hit the overhead light scattering bits of light bulb all over the room which happened to be sprinkled over the heaps of clothes that once occupied the drawer that Eli was sitting in.

Somehow I missed the secret signals at lunch today indicating today was the day:)

Pregnancy...

2011-03-15T07:56:00.000-07:00

We are almost at 12 weeks now, this is very exciting! I've had a fairly sick free pregnancy with the exception of nausea spurred on by certain smells in the kitchen. Nick has been amazing though and for the most part has been doing the cooking and cleaning so I don't have to deal with that.

Other early symptoms that I've been experiencing are weird dreams and body image issues. I feel as if I'm in the "fat" stage of pregnancy. I have a slight bulge and feel bloated all over. I've been struggling with this feeling and being concerned that I've gained too much weight already. I have an amazing friend who just wrote a blog about this that completely blessed my heart here. Thank you Lauren for sharing your journey so the Lord can teach me about mine.

Dreams. I've always had weird/graphic dreams. Nearly every morning I can report at least one of my dreams from the night before. Due to the surge of hormones as of late my dreams have been VERY odd.

For a good laugh here is a preview of my dream journey last night:
Dream 1: I am a 17 year old girl named Beth and I have an 11 year old brother and I live in a small house with my parents (who look/act nothing like any of my actual family or anyone I know). My dad is a police officer who was trying to chase down this 11 year old red head crazy kid killer. My brother and I were trying to help him because he was after me next. In the middle of the night he snuck in, attacked my brother, left him with a cracked rib, and came to get me. I tackled him down and called out SEVERAL times for my dad to come and after a long 5 min he came and got the kid.

Dream 2: I'm walking in a bikini with my pregnant self and a friend to a resort to say farewell to friends who just got kicked out of their apt. After a dip in the pool I realized I forgot a change of clothes so as we were pushed on to the party I was standing in a mass of people trying to "play it cool" while they were dressed formal for a farewell party and I stood in a bikini with a slightly pregnant belly! I went on to the rest of the party, which was odd in itself, ended up at least partially dressed and the guests of honor never did arrive.

Dream 3: I was with 2 old friends from Elementary school in Manhattan and we were meeting a 3rd friend from my childhood who just opened her club. When we saw her she was now a man! She led us into the club which was REALLY cool by the way, and we sat and had margaritas (mine a virgin of course) and chatted about love and life and such.

Yep, those were all from last night! I left out tons of detail because the blog would have been pages long:)

Financial success and more ways to save...

2011-03-05T14:29:00.000-08:00

It's paying off!

Finances are a taboo subject, and rightly so, but it is my duty to report the goodness of God and a bit of our journey that we are on. Also, I can hardly hold it in:)

We've been living in the "cheap" category for the full (almost 5 years) of our young marriage and young family. Honestly I think most young marrieds, especially if they have kids, live on a strict budget or beyond their means. For the first few years of marriage we floundered our way through our finances. We stumbled through some financial classes and learned how to be responsible and to talk to each other about money without yelling. We acquired some minor debt with the purchase of our car, the move to Portland, and some other things. This was all manageable (yet irresponsible) until about 18 months ago. We hit a rough patch financially, the boys moved in, I became full time mom and our journey to extreme frugality began in order for us to stay above water. Now, also in the last 18 months we've found ways to aquire some more income and to receive some financial support from other avenues.

The combination of frugal living, financial blessings from God, and a bit of creativity has given us this day debt free! We still owe an arm and leg to our private Nazarene schools but other than that the car is ours and every penny of loose debt is gone!!! Yesterday we paid off the last few pieces of that and are praising God for this financial journey we've been on. In a few months we'll be buying a van (yup, family of 5 with 3 car seats don't fit in a small car) in 100% cash! Our money from the sale of the Blazer will fill our emergency fund and we'll begin saving to buy a house.

What a huge relief, a huge burden lifted!

Anyway, with the exception of a few things I've still been striving to be eco friendly about our home and body products. Not only is this good for all our growth and living but also for our budget. I can't even tell you how much we have saved on our "household" budget by taking a few minutes to make these products.

Two more ways to save:
1. Face Wash: I have been using honey as face wash. I put some in one of those plastic travel shampoo containers to keep in the shower, it works as well as any other cleanser and is very gentile on my face.
2. Eye Makeup Remover: I put a small dot of the boy's tear free baby shampoo on a tissue and it wipes all eye makeup right off.
3. Hand lotion: It's really dry these days in the NW so instead of stocking up on travel size lotions (they are overpriced) I buy a travel container and fill it with my favorite body lotion and keep that in the car/purse. This is MUCH cheaper.
4. Reed diffusers: Our reed diffusers get all nasty after a while from getting flipped so much. We bought a bulk size bottle of scent and we fill a small container with it. I found that wooden bamboo secures (that you use for kabobs and such) work great. I'm sure wooden chopsticks ("gifted" from your favorite take out) would work as diffusers as well.

Back to the laundry soap...

2010-11-10T12:51:00.000-08:00

Alright, I've had some time to perfect this one and I'm pretty pleased with the results. The recipes can be found HERE.

Some lessons learned:

1. I like having liquid soap to help with stains. When spots need a bit of extra help I dab the liquid soap directly onto the spot and it helps in a big way going through the wash load.

2. The liquid soap recipe requires a large bucket and a place to store that.

3. The sugested Fels-Naptha soap is a MUST for good cleaning.

4. For hard water (like we have here) add 1/2 c. of baking soda to any of the recipes.

5. My FAVORITE recipe is #4 from the link above with an added 1/2 c. of baking soda. This one was the easiest and worked the best for me. Also, it only takes up a tiny bit of space in the laundry room because it's super concentrated.

Now that I've found a perfect recipe that is super quick and easy I'll never go back:)

A day of planning...

2010-10-26T23:08:00.000-07:00

What a fun day I had today. I LOVE dreaming and planning! It is what moves me, it's what keeps me sane, it propels me to do more and be better.

Started the day with a 2 hour meeting collaborating about Thanksgiving food boxes, a Christmas tea, a large community Christmas event, and other things along the way. I had this meeting with two women who continue to inspire me. The boys ran around terrorizing the office but because these two are experienced mothers they continued talking around, over and through it like only mother can:)

I came home and cooked up a warm soup like lunch.

I spent the boys nap time writing all that I could about anything that needed done in November and December to make ministry happen through Koinonia and Bridgetown.

I then planned and started another creative Birch dinner. Tonight it was a whole baked chicken, frozen cooked potatoes (thawed partially by microwave and broiler), a can of peas, and more gravy! The chicken and peas were good but the taters were nasty mush. We ended up having chicken sandwiches.

Nick and I spend the majority of the evening talking about the morning meeting and planning our next major community project!

Oh how I love the planning, dreaming, listing, tweaking, detailing day I had.

A day of creativity...

2010-10-25T19:25:00.001-07:00

I took the boys to The Art Park at the community center:

Little feet
Wet paint
Sticky stamps
Tiny fingers
Slimy glue
Salty dough

Squeaky voices
Pounding stamps
Splattering paint
Crinkling paper
Affirming mothers
Giggling children

Dinner was creative tonight:

We get our food from Birch and are blessed to have a full kitchen. All be it random, it's full! In my search for things to make spaghetti I found everything but what I needed for any kind of sauce. The dinner I pulled together seemed really weird to me, Nick didn't seem to mind (or so he faked) and the boys had 3 bowls.

Boiled pasta and frozen corn
Made peppered white gravy according to the package
Added what I had left of jack cheese (about a cup)
Put the gravy/sauce over the pasta and corn
Sprinkled dried parsley and bread crumbs on the top.

Haha, and that was it! Not so bad for my family but wouldn't be serving it to a guest unless they were under the age of 6!

Matthew 5:43-48

2010-10-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

Love your enemies. I've read the passage many times and as scripture happens to do, it took on new meaning yesterday.

I was reading Half the Sky and was thinking about doing something "great" for God. I spent some time chatting with God about what we are doing here in NoPo. I began glamorizing missionary life and praying that God would send us far away for a period of time to "refresh." Now, missionary friends, forgive me. Forgive me for spending any amount of time romanticizing your life or saying that it is easy or refreshing in any way, shape, or form. In that moment I was reminded that God called us HERE. He called us to this place and I must search for His love and my call to love in this place.

Later, at church, we were talking about this passage in Matthew. In something that Nick was sharing with us it stood out to me that God is asking us to take the supernatural and make it natural. Hmmm, sounds like what I had been praying about earlier. Later, in prayer/praise time us women were talking about how God blessed us. Our praises were simple. Thank you God for a peaceful morning, another said praise for connecting with an old friend, and another for some days without morning sickness. Simple love. A deep love for the ordinary. This is my God, one who loves the ordinary and cares deeply about our need for divine love in our ordinary daily living. This is my call, to show attention and care to the ordinary and simple in others the same way God does in my life.

I think this is what the passage is about but even more importantly it's all of these things for all people even our "enemies." To me this is a long list of people in my life who aren't necessarily enemies but people who aren't just naturally my friends. This includes people who stress me out, make me nervous, eat our food, call late at night, don't show up to commitments, walk away from our ministry after committing, have kids who teach our kids naughty things,and those who uninvitedly tell us how to parent. With the love of God calling me to pay attention and care to them and the ordinary in their lives I find such beautiful things in these people. These same people are the ones that (in the same order) bring our trash from the curb, stop by to learn some manhood from my husband, is learning healthy eating habits on a budget, desires to be in community, is vulnerable when here, developing a missions heart, learning to parent with love, and sharing Somali parenting techniques.

My prayer is that I would find such love and passion in loving better in all ways and in all things.

Cleaning updates:

2010-10-14T09:22:00.001-07:00

The disinfectant wipes are still going strong!

I made dish soap: http://www.diylife.com/2009/08/03/how-to-make-your-own-dish-soap/ Using method 3

Another frugal switch I've made is using bar soap instead of liquid. You get the exact same foam on the luffa that you do with liquid and if everyone is using luffas and wash cloths you don't have to think about where the bar has been! It is MUCH cheaper to use bar soap.

I've decided that for all my cleaning supplies that require a bar of soap it is a MUST to use a different scent than what's in the shower. I don't like washing pots and pans and smelling the Dove soap I just bathed in:O)

Nick and I have been cleaning the garage in preparation for finishing it and we found MOUNTAINS of napkins! This makes me proud because it is evidence of our use of the cloth napkins.

The only thing that's been difficult is the comfort and familiarity of the smells of the store bought cleaners. I know the evidence shows that the cleaning power is the same but my nose makes me doubt. Several times I consider running to dollar tree and getting a small thing of laundry soap just so I can have a few loads smell like the old days. Then, I remember my little boys and how I'm protecting them.

Anyway, that's the update!

Switch 4: Dishwasher Soap

2010-09-03T13:41:00.001-07:00

This is one that I have been using for about as long as the laundry soap. The results aren't outstanding but it does the job. Instead of the costly powder soap for the dishwasher I use a mix of 1 cup borax and 1 cup baking soda. If I completely fill the dishwasher compartment it comes out cloudy so better to use just a few tablespoons. Also, I keep vinegar or jet dry stuff in the rinse dispenser to help keep it shiny.

Switch 3: Laundry Soap

2010-08-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

This entails a bit more effort but saves SO much money. I have been doing this for almost a year now and have been pleased with the results.

Here is the recipe I use:
http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/109349/do-it-yourself-laundry-detergent

Switch 1: Paper napkins to cloth...

2010-08-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

This has been my favorite switch of all! I love passing out and using the cloth napkins I made and am so excited to make more. I use them with pride knowing I'm saving our garbage bill, trees and our budget. All I did was take an old sheet, cut it into squares, fold the edge and sew. I recommend this one to EVERYONE. If you aren't a seamstress at all I bet you could do some great deal hunting for end of season discounts, garage sales, Goodwill, and antique stores.

Switch 2: Clorox disinfectant wipes...

2010-08-24T08:51:00.000-07:00

As you know I have lately been exploring non-toxic ways to keep my home clean and fresh. I decided I would allow the toxic ones I currently own to run themselves out and as each ran out I would look for a non-toxic and cheap alternative. Yesterday I ran out of Clorox wipes. I am a huge fan of the convenience and ease at which I could grab one of these wipes for a mid week surface cleaning. I was sure there wasn't an alternative to this and I would have to get out the sponge and spray every time. Today I found and made the alternative and it works great!

I used the same container that the wipes were in and I filled it with the following disinfectant solution:
3.5 cups water
1/4 c. of Vinegar
1 t. of borax

I cut a paper towel roll in half (this was the hardest part of the whole thing) and unrolled (into another roll) until it would fit in the container. I put them in the container and allowed it to soak.

The true test will be to see how the roll holds up after hours and days of soaking. I am not convinced it will work but I guess I'm putting paper towels to the test! I'm sure there is a way to take this a step further and use cloth instead of paper towels. We shall see!

A "clean" approach to life...

2010-08-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I was curious about soy products. My research and learning propelled me into a quest of learning all about nutrition and healthy food. I became slightly obsessed with "hmm, I wonder what is actually in this."

Around the same time I was teaching an environmental unit to my 4th graders and was learning with them the effects of plastic bottles and garbage bags. This also propelled me into a learning adventure and another slight obsession with knowing how all that I throw away effects the environment.

A few weeks ago someone told me "you shouldn't use drier sheets, ever, they are extremely toxic." I wanted to cry...not my drier sheets! So I started researching the effects of using them and was seeking a cheap alternative. This lead to my new understanding of all the chemicals I use daily (lotion, shampoo, air freshener, dish soap, etc.) and I became concerned with the use of all of them and overwhelmed at finding alternatives that would be less toxic.

Here have been the results of all that I've learned about these three and my final reflections about all of them.

1. I believe it is impossible on our family budget to be completely organic and nitrate free with our food.

2. It seems near impossible to avoid plastic pop and water bottles at all cost. It is fairly easy to remember the shopping bag and avoid the plastic ones. It would be MUCH better for our family to use cloth diapers but I'm not about to be scraping poo from them and washing them...sorry just can't do it!

3. The toxins in our home are overwhelming. This is the one that I am most empowered to change. I already make our own laundry soap and dish soap but the rest of it is just going to have to wait a few years until we are debt free.

4. Our country as a whole is becoming more aware and educated in all of these areas so there are plenty of alternatives out there but generally for a cost.

I just get so passionate about changing these things because they are so within our control. It seems spiritually responsible to be more environmental friendly and conscious about what goes in and through our bodies. I often feel as if I have to be all about the change or ignore the need for the change but I've come to realize that the small attempts and efforts I make are worth it. Every time I come up with an alternative at the same cost I feel so proud of myself and the way I'm protecting my family. All of that to say, I'm proud to report that as of recent we've become more aware and careful as a family about the toxins in our home and ways to eliminate them.

A year of Manna

2010-08-12T12:33:00.000-07:00

Manna Truck is a ministry I've blogged about at different times. It is one that God has used to shape me as a woman, a mother, and a friend.

It's been about a year now since we first started Manna Truck in New Columbia Villa. I visit them monthly and every other month we bring bags of clothing for the kids. Almost every month we are able to also supply the family with basic hygiene products and cleaning supplies. It began with making some calls and asking if we could come visit. The first few meetings were akward and full of expectations. Several of these mother were excited to find another organization to meet their needs. Most of them seemed to have hopes to minipulate us into doing work for them and supplying needs. It started with a relationship like that but Nick and I were determined that God would allow it to be more than that if we were obedient.

The first few months Nick had to nearly push me out the door to go visit these women. I always enjoyed time with them when conversation actually got going but it seemed like pulling teeth to get them to talk even like an acquaintance. Now, a year later, I am excited to see them and find ways to engage in love beyond those monthly "need" visits. Wanted to share some stories about how the Holy Spirit has allowed his Love to reign.

I wrote a while back about two of these moms here . The update is that the relationships DID continue to grow. Mom 1 welcomes me into her home at just about any time day or night. She still has many walls up but I'm proud of her for allowing me to get this close. Mom 2 has become a good friend. Still hard to get ahold of but she's more and more honest with every interaction I have with her. She came to church once, has been to a summer BBQ at our home, and constantly reminds me through texting that she's praying for us!

Another mom came into the picture about February and it's been a wild ride since. Her two children have so much joy and express that every time I see them. She has come to several summer BBQs at our home and we talk on an almost weekly basis. This is HUGE as she has a tendency to withdrawal from the world and seep into depression.

I just recently wrote about another mom here and what a wild ride it has been with this family. On Sunday she brought me traditional head scarfs that had just been sent to her from her family in Saudi Arabia as a thank you gift.

I am so proud of these women, their children, and the one husband in the picture. They've allowed me enough into their lives to love on them. They teach me daily about who God is calling me to be. I desire to have strength and love like they have. In the next month we'll be adding more families to our visitation list and I'm excited for another year of growing with these new moms. Please keep praying for us. As we go deeper we find greater needs. So many needs we cannot meet but just trust the Lord for.

No title, it's a long one...

2010-08-08T10:52:00.001-07:00

I don't even know where to begin with this post. I am actually part of an incredible experience that breaks all cultural boundaries.

There's this child, we'll call her Tasaline, she is 12. Nick first met her volunteering in her class at Rosa Parks. They spent lots of time together as she had a knack for getting into trouble. So, she was sent out of the room to study math with Mr. Mucci. One saturday two years ago I met Tasaline and she was so kind and polite. I couldn't believe she was one to cause any trouble.

The following summer B Town kids began and I saw Tasaline show up with her 3 younger siblings every Saturday. Again, a sweet girl whom I enjoyed being around.

A year ago in September I began to show up at her home to supply the family with clothing and cleaning supplies though our Manna Truck ministry. For almost 9 months my relationship with her mother (we'll call her Amina) was void of emotion and discussion. Her language is very limited (they've only been in the states 5 years) and withholding emotion is a cultural expectation.

In June we saw Amina with the 3 youngest kids and Tasaline was nowhere to be found. Through Amina's broken English, the help of her 6 year old daughter, and reading hand motions we found out Tasaline was in the hospital.

A few weeks ago though teary eyes I talked, empathized, and tried to communicate my sorrow for Amina and her experience through this as a mother. She asked me to visit Tasaline with her the next day in the hospital.

The cultural barriers that came down in that moment alone was amazing. For her to show emotion, share that with me, and invite me to accompany her to visit her daughter was HUGE!

We pulled up to the hospital and I realized in that moment that her daughter was in the mental ward. I had a new understanding of the whole situation. Tasaline was thrilled to see me and to know she was missed. I simply sat and witnessed the love shared between Amina and Tasline and saw how much they missed each other.

Since that moment Tasline's been transfered to a transitional mental institution, her mother has invited me along several visits, and Tasline is yearning to come home.

Just yesterday another cultural boundary was crossed, Amina hugged me when she saw me! It is not custom for Somali to touch another unless they are very good friends or family so I've withheld my temptations to greet with hugs and handshakes but yesterday she initiated the hug and I embraced her with a silent thankful prayer for how the Holy Spirit is moving.

July...

2010-08-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

What a month you have been! You took me on a wild journey and showed me I had strength and support I never knew I had. If it weren't for so many supportive people in my life I wouldn't have made it through. You took me to some beautiful emotional/spiritual mountain tops and some scary dark valleys. I am thankful for you my month of June but please don't be offended if I act a bit excited that August is upon us.

I plan to blog about the following reflections as time permits:
1. Somali friend, her daughter, a mental institution and a beautiful mother-daughter bond.
2. Manna Truck mothers and the lasting effects of committing a year to these women.
3. Thoughts about adoption and how the boys are doing
4. The "internal darkness" that even Mother Teresa experienced.

Friends...

2010-07-14T21:14:00.001-07:00

One woman is a dedicated nurse in Oregon. Her heart is devoted to her husband and his ministry as a children's pastor and her one year old sweet baby boy. Her ability to overcome substantial life glitches and to support others through theirs astounds me. My favorite thing about her is her wisdom and knowledge.

One woman is a dedicated school teacher in Idaho that is currently finding her place in understanding and serving those victimized by modern day slavery. She is an amazing teacher because she loves learning herself! Her recent topic of study is modern day slavery and her recent prayer is finding her roll in that. My favorite thing about her is her ability to find joy and life in the tiniest of things.

One woman is a student. She is currently working on her masters in Public Health (or maybe it's public nursing or something like that). Her studies take her to a far away land where her faith is put on the line. She spends her evenings and weekends with sexually exploited women and teaching them basic sex ed. My favorite thing about her is her deep passion. She is deeply passionate and prays life into all that she sees and hears and touches.

One woman is a school teacher in Idaho and is living the nomadic life. Her commitment as a mother and wife infuse her creativity. She and her husband have been gifted with a talent to make all things beautiful. They are currently homeless (staying with friends/family) for the time while they search for the perfect home to restore into something wonderful. My favorite thing about her is the way she makes ordinary events or objects into something extraordinary.

One woman is a bilingual teacher in Washington specializing in math. She is also a dedicated mother and wife with a huge heart. She is small in size but has enough love in her for all the children she's ever met who have had a disadvantage in life because of the language they spoke. Her undying devotion for equal educational opportunities for children of all cultures and languages is inspiring. My favorite thing about her is her beautiful ability to listen and truly hear others when they speak.

These women inspire me and love me in ways that only God could have known when He brought me to them. I just spent a day and night with these women and my heart is full. I am able to come home and love my husband better and my children better and be inspired in who I am a as child of God. Thank you dear friends for being so wonderful. Life would be so strange and boring without you.

Billy...

2010-06-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

I met billy at a BBQ in our back yard about a year ago. Big kid, big hair, big tender personality. I was drawn to him, curious about him, and excited to get to know him. I was thrilled to see a young black male teen with such a kind heart and so willing to be verbal about his joy. I saw him a few times after that but haven't seen him since.

His neighbors brought him. Gabe, Jackie and their 5 children. They are a glowing example of the love of God and have befriended Billy like family. Nick and I have known Gabe since the first week we moved here and have gradually gotten to know the rest of the family including Billy.

Here is what I know about Billy's death. He stood up for what was right. He rose against the street rules and walked away from a heated conversation with a fellow 17 year old. He was shot in the back. He ran (that's pure strength) to Gabe's arms and collapsed and met the Lord in a few short moments.

I miss you Billy. I wish I could have talked with you more. I am proud of you and who you became and how you served the Lord.

The kids. There were several kids outside while this happened including 2 of Gabe's children ages 3 and 6. These babies are scared. We had them over on Wednesday night so Gabe and Jackie could catch up on some sleep and attend a few things in honor of Billy. While they were here it hurt my heart to see their innocence lost. To see terror wash over them every time someone walked by in a white T Shirt or a loud noise let out in the air. All 5 of them are processing their grief and trauma in a different way.

If Billy were here he'd hug them and say "don't worry big brother's taking care of you." But their Billy is gone.

In honor of Billy around 200 people gathered in the Villa to pray for peace. God does wonderful things in the midst of darkness. On Thursday night several hundred people gathered to speak with the Mayor about stopping violence in North Portland. Again, God brings beauty from ashes.

Billy's amazing life will not be forgotten. A strong young teen turning into a man and he achieved manhood as a son of God.

Buddy's Birthday...

2010-05-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

My brother turns 21 today! Yay happy birthday bud. That what we used to call him and it still slips out every now and then. What an amazing man you've become! Here are some thought about him:

I have memories of:

Watching him jump out of trees like a bungee jumper which was an early display of his adventuresome spirit.

Running away from him as he would catch bees for his hive that he so desperately wanted which showed his ambition. This kid will do what it takes to get what he wants!

Reading food labels at age 7 so he could protest onions or mushrooms. Wouldn't be surprised if this was his motive for reading labels these days but he also reads out of curiosity and a desire to be healthy.

Selling pop to constructions workers to make big summer bucks. This is the trait that most of us know about him, an entrepreneur.

These are just a few that came to mind this morning as I thought about him but I'm sure the list could go on and on!

I remember him as a child to be very ambitious, lively, spirited, curious, experimental, and creative. These are all traits I see in my eldest son and I pray that he will turn out much like his uncle Bryan.

Thanks bud for loving our family as you still venture out and find who you are. You are a wonderful brother, a good friend, and an awesome uncle.

Love you! Happy Birthday!

My run today without the boys...

2010-05-13T14:04:00.001-07:00

My run today was different. I've been running with the boys in the jogger now for the last few weeks since the sun's been out. Nick was home so I went out alone. It was a really different experience for me but I kinda liked it! When the boys are with me I am able to focus on them, the flying snack cup, the strong left pull on the stroller, the shoes being taken off and thrown down, the crappy sidewalkes without a ramp, so many things to distract my thinking. Today, I ran with those distractions at home. Here is a bit of what it was like:

I ran to the other side of the street to head out on a familiar loop, stopped on the sidewalk and felt akward about how to start. Okay. Go. I thought,just get on with it!. Feet pouding on the pavement I remind myself this is a stress relief time, me time, time that is valuable and to be treasured. Don't waist it complaining the whole time!. This part of the loop is on the "hood" side of our community. I am not even 5 blocks into the run and the black car with hydraulics is giving me cat calls from the window, oh how I'd like him to get out so I could teach him a lesson. I find that this bothers me MUCH more now that I have boys, young babies soon to be men and they don't need to hear them yelling derogative things out the window at me. Yeah, I wish they'd pull over so I could tell them a thing or two.

The first 2 miles of this loop has a gradual incline making them a bit harder than the last few. Feet still pounding on the pavement a bit harder now that my blood is pumping about the cat call. I find myself counting my breathing in cadence to my feet. One, two, three in...one, two, three, out...this is how I know I keep my pace. Some people say you should be able to carry a conversation and that's how you are at the right pace. I think that is so funny...who want to talk when they are running? It's not even worth attempting talking out loud to myself to check my pace.

I am now reaching the peak of my run, rounding the corner, and entering into the "nice" part of the community. I love looking at these houses, so much character, beautiful, charming, and landscaping that is stunning! My right rib reminds me that it exists with a pinched feeling that doesn't seem like it will go away. I wonder, does this happen to me every time and I just don't notice? At this point I'm chasing my shadow and it feel so good to have the sun at my back. This side of the block has a unique smell and feel. The flowers overwhelm the wind with a beautiful scent that is guarenteed to be followed by a gust of car exhaust. The unquiqe smell of Portland, a city that wants to pretend it was never built. It wants nature to win over what man has created. It is a city full of people running from God that I believe will someday meet him in their very love for nature.

I'm rounding the corner now and approaching my third mile. My shadow is now chasing me! That nagging at my rib is still there and my feet can be heard pouding on the pavement. I'm approaching my side of the community again, "the hood" and wonder what will greet me there. Not to my suprise a kind old man stops to greet me as I run past his yard. He sees me with gentle eyes and a warm spirit. This I seem to only find on my side of the block. The other side...too busy, too occupied, too mentally far away.

I'm on the home stech now, about half a mile to go and I'm ready to quit. Keeping motivated without my boys, it's hard. I don't have them there to convince me I should keep going. I have my head saying just walk for a while, you've worked hard enough, relax. Then I hear my heart saying I can do all things through Christ who stenghtens me. My breathing has gotten much harder now, it doesn't match the cadence of my feet anymore and that frustrates me. A battle begins in my mind. I can either keep running or walk and be proud of what I've done.

I see my street now and realize the nagging at my rib has faded, my feet are still pounding the pavement and I am almost there! How dare I stop now, keep going, keep going, focus on something else. My mind instantly goes to Dom and Eli and how so many days can feel like this last block. I decide to do it for them. I decide to show myself that on my own I can run the last segment just like at home I can maintain endurance through the pain.

Whew...

Joy,pure joy! I am walking my street now, I did it! I even did it without the boys. God, thank you for showing me my ability to endure. Walked through the door and the boys came running to me and my husband stopped to admire me and what I accomplished today. Ah yes, what a good run this was! Thanks God for my lessons through it.

www.livestrong.com

2010-05-04T13:20:00.000-07:00

This is a web page I found that is genius! For anyone who wants to watch what they consume or is just curious about the nutritional stats of the food they eat, this is the page for you! I have a profile set with caloric intake goals to loose one pound a week. Nick as a profile set with goals to loose a pound and a half a week. I am going to make a profile for our boys so that I can watch the sugar intake. I am always amazed at all the hidden sugar in our food! It also has great recipes and tips about the nutritional value of food. Seriously, any of you who are working on eating healthier or managing your weight (by gain, loss, or maintaining it) this is the page for you! I used one similar in the past but I would get frustrated trying to find the foods that I ate that day to get the stats and I haven't had that problem yet! I am also excited to use the exercise options as the weather gets better...definitely worth checking out!

New Name...

2010-03-31T16:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when I was talking to nick about what I planned on doing when the boys were napping, I said "I feel like nothing but tea and sweatpants, I think that should be my motto!" Don't worry, I do have more in my wardrobe than sweatpants (my dear friends wouldn't allow me to wear them every day) and I drink more than tea(thank goodness for not having brown teeth). I do however love to wear sweatpants after a warm shower, a long day, church clothes, and in cold weather. I LOVE tea when I'm with friends, an hour before bed, on a "coffee date" with Nick, and when reading a book.

I decided that all of my life should fit into this motto in some way. Some pieces of the way I choose to parent are a bit old fashioned (like tea) and some are relaxed and comfortable (like sweatpants). My love and friendships are in perfect harmony when I treat them with the delicacy of tea and the comfort of sweatpants. Well, you get the picture, tea and sweatpants it is! I know I make Grandma Eyvone proud with the tea part and my sons proud with the sweatpants part!

Cake in a mug!

2010-03-06T13:28:00.000-08:00

This is my new weakness. It take 5 min. to make chocolate cake now!

Spray the inside of a large mug.

Mix all dry ingredients:

4 tablespoons of flour

6 tablespoons of sugar

3 tablespoons of cocoa powder

(or omit sugar and cocoa powder and replace with 9 T of hot cocoa mix)

Add wet ingredients:

3 tablespoons of water

3 tablespoons of oil

1 egg

Mix all ingredients well.

Microwave for 3 min.

A new woman...

2010-02-25T13:42:00.000-08:00

Last saturday I went with the girls to get my nails done...yay! I loved this birthday treat. Then my parents paid for my hair to get done by my favorite stylist...yay again! I had her whack away at it and I love it. Then, to top it off I changed my blogger background. Of anything that was the hardest to do. I felt as if I was shopping for a new identity. Geeze....I might even be changing it again, not sure I love it. I would like to be able to say that I've felt selfish for all the new around here and it revolving around me but I'll be honest I've been loving every minute of it:)

Gardening 101...

2010-02-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

My friend Lauren recommended a wonderful book called Made from Scratch (sorry teachers, couldn't find the underline key) by Jenna Woginrich. I read this book in about two days and LOVED it! I told her that I started gardening last year and she wanted to know how it went. I thought all of you would get a good laugh from my hard work last year.

First of all I must say that I am not very good at seeing projects through to the end. I love starting them and seeing them begin but I tend to loose passion about half way through. This even included books, I only recently have been finishing them all the way to the end.

My hubby helped with the hard stuff like tilling the dirt and building a box. I have a beautiful slightly raised bed that measures about 2x16 ft. I got out graph paper and did my research and planned how many plants would fit and in what order they should go. I didn't however do enough research and here was the result:

1. I planted my tomato plants on the south end instead of the north thus causing them to cast shadows over all my peppers.

2. Not one single pepper fully ripened and each plant only produced about one.

3. All the labels for the starts I bought on sale had been mixed up and it resulted in 3 of the same plant instead of a variety of 4 kinds of tomato like I had hoped and one of them turned out to be a watermelon plant.

4. Spinach is the absolute easiest thing to grow here in Oregon. Just threw those seeds in the ground and watched it grow!

5. Grew lots of flat leaf parsley but only used a tinge of it...didn't really think that one through, turned out to be a waste of ground space.

6. Don't look at corn starts mid summer on sale and assume they will just grow! I did that and non of them produced anything, just grew really tall.

7. I plan on growing my own starts from seed this year to save tons of money.

8. Oh yeah, strawberry plants don't really produce strawberries the first year.

9. Nick is much better about watering my plants than I am. Nearly fried half of them to death, surely would have lost the whole garden if Nick hadn't watered it for me.

10. Oh yeah, that watermelon plant, didn't get a single watermelon from it!

Needless to say I learned a lot last year and have high hopes for this summer. I have a neighbor who is a wonderful gardener and she was a huge help last year. I think I need to be asking her more questions though:)

My plans for this year are to again only garden in my one bed. Also, I am going to try really hard to start from seeds. I do plan on falling back on professionals if I need to buy starts though. I am going to be really smart about what I plant so that I can care more deeply for my crop so it will actually be worth my time and money. I really am excited about having my boys help where they can and watch them learn about the Earth in a new way.

A friendship was born...

2010-01-28T12:49:00.000-08:00

I shared in my previous post how God used a few of us simple folk to witness his mighty works. God has called this wonderful experience a step further. Remember house two? Yeah, this mom and I have developed a very new, refreshing and loving relationship. Out of that split second of a moment that Celina encouraged me to knock a new friendship was born. Our friend has been to our gatherings with us and we talk about every other day. I often see her because the playground that I take my boys to is about 30 steps from her front door and her little ones come out to play! Yesterday her 3 year old son was teaching my 2 year old how to play catch with the football:) Oh how the love was flowing in that park.

This is what I moved here for.

This is what I believed God called us to.

Missional Living!

This is what I prayed for.

It's been happening on our own street for the last year or two but not like this. I know part of it is due to being a mom and having that as common ground. Part of it is maybe I'm more willing to share me. Anyway all I can do now is be faithful, continue to pray for this friendship, and be willing to choose others before myself even more.

Attempts to express...

2010-01-16T12:35:00.000-08:00

I want to share with the world how God used my body and my words today but I want to protect her privacy so I'll do my best to share my story without sharing her soul.

Nick scheduled home visits for me today and I wasn't too excited. We visit our Manna Truck families once a month to build a relationship and see how we could meet some of their most basic needs. Usually it's tough to break the ice, things are a bit awkward, and we leave still just being a "service" and not a friend. I've been discourage by this because some families we've seen several times and much more frequently than once a month and still there was such a wall.

Today, my prayer was that conversation would deviate from meeting needs for more than just 5 minutes and we would find at least one thing to talk about.

The first house started as usual, "how was the order last month, what can we find for you this month, how are things going in general?" Then I started to make lame jokes about my life being sucked dry by my two sweet boys and how that's quite a change. She relaxed a bit more, a few more awkward pauses, and some conversation. It was tough, but she relaxed even more and felt free to begin sharing some of the things that are really bringing her down and some things that are really bringing her joy. It was lovely, I really enjoyed our time there and actually felt welcome in her home!

House two. This mom is really hard to get a hold of, it's usually by chance that we catch her. Walked up to the house and heard loud music and lots of laughing. I told Celina maybe we should just come back another time or call first. She suggested we knock and ask when another time would be. So...we knocked:0)

The door opened a crack and I said "hello" all nervous but chipper. The door closed and I heard, "turn that down, you got two white chicks at the door" "oh yeah, let them in!" As soon as the door flung open the mom smiled almost with relief to see us. She invited us in as usual and we sat down to chat. Within minutes she became very vulnerable and very real. For the next hour she shared her heart with us, let us hold her and cry, and we read scripture together. The power of the Holy Spirit was upon us. It was so amazing.

I am so blessed to have been an avanue to God's hands at work. So many things could have kept us from seeing her today and from her sharing. But, as usual, God made it happen.

All of you who have been praying for our ministry and our family, please say a prayer for these two moms. Pray that I would follow through as a friend to see how they are doing. Pray that I would be obedient to the leading of the Spirit so these friendships can grow.

Thanks.

Hello full-time job, goodbye YMCA

2010-01-03T19:50:00.000-08:00

I offically quit the Y this week! Talk about new beginnings. It was hard to take this leap of faith and say goodbye to a secure job in such tough economic times. As I truly assessed how I was doing as a mom, wife, and as a disciple and thought about adding even just 12 hours to my week...it didn't quite add up. Our sons are doing amazing, however two toddlers of any kind are far beyond a full time job. So, after crunching numbers a million times and praying a lot we decided to take the leap. The first 3 weeks with the boys were almost entirely without income from our regular jobs and yet all bills were paid plus we were blessed with so many gifts and food to keep us going through strong! I fully trust and believe that if the time comes and I MUST work that God will provide the job that will be just right for our family. So...to all of you who have blessed us with gifts or prayers, THANKS!

on maternity leave???

2009-11-28T21:36:00.000-08:00

so when i planned on adopting i planned on going on maternity leave with work...so i did. I did not however really plan on maternity leave from being a pastors wife. it is amazing how quickly life shifted forever. this really isn't a surprise but i guess i thought it would be different somehow. i knew that i would need time to attach and bond with the boys but i didn't really think about how that sucks every ounce out of me. sure i was warned but it's really hard to see it as something to come. also, with no time to prepare i suddenly found myself behind in helping my hubby complete the call God has for our community. I don't doubt that in time things will balance out but for now i'm on maternity leave and i do love it!

God's Great Provisions!

2009-11-07T08:37:00.000-08:00

I must take time this Saturday morning to praise our God for His great love for us! As many of you know Nick and I are going through a somewhat rough financial time right now, but so are billions around the world. So, we are by no means calling for a pity party. I am however sharing this so you might understand how much I have to thank God for!

Nick as you know is a pretty big guy and he likes to eat a lot. I also really love to eat, all day long! We also really love to have people over and share meals with them, we believe this is mandatory for sharing God's love.

The combination of these two thoughts create a very tight food budget. In fact, we only have $100 a month for the two of us and those that join us. This $100 includes paying for medicine, Clorox, and various other household needs.

Here is the exciting part. Monday, while Nick was working, he found around 10 cans of food that a renter had left behind. He is allowed to bring those kinds of things home. God provided around 8 cans of beans and corn for us and 3 giant costco size cans of fruit and applesauce for us to share with our church family the next three weeks:) Then, Thursday I found out we are 90% accepted to be a part of a ministry that for only $50 a month will provide our weekly groceries along with several other services!!!!! This won't start until near the end of November so we've got to keep it tight until then but no worries! THEN today, I was planning to go get the ads to save big time with the coupons and found in the mail $9 in rebates to our local grocery store!!!! So, normally I would only get to spend $25 on groceries this week but now I get to spend $34 which will fully be enough for this week:)

I can hardly contain myself, ahhh we are so blessed. This only is the tip of the iceberg, I cannot even put into words how God has been providing beyond our grocery bill these last few weeks. I now only pray I don't loose sight of His faithfulness those evening when we are exhausted from working with out pay, sitting down to work out a new budget for lack of cash flow, or those evening when a cold settles deeply in the chest. God provides time, money, and health. I need to pray more, read more, and love on others more deeply.

God forgive me for my lack of faith. Forgive me from my selfishness. Give me a humble and grateful heart.

God doesn't answer my prayer for humbleness with a sudden change in heart, He answers it by creating opportunity to be humble. So, as tough as times can be for me and so many I love, the reward of humbleness and a change of heart is worth every bit of it....

God make me humble.

Worst Listener In the Nation!

2009-09-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

I think many of you will not find this surprising but I am terrible at multitasking! I feel as if I am a fairly good listener when the conversation is meant to be face-to-face or all other distractions are gone. Any other circumstances can be a disaster or very frustrating for the person speaking to me, like my husband. I cannot tell you how many times I've been driving somewhere (home from work, to the grocery store, etc.) to fairly routine locations and started talking on the phone to one of my bffs or my mom or sister and found myself in the strangest locations. I also cannot tell you how many times I've been talking to Nick and a commercial comes on really loud so I stop mid sentence to watch the darn thing. I don't even care about the commercial and most often I can't even remember what I was saying. I am convinced my best friends from college still are amazed I made it as a teacher for 3 years, a job that requires such great multitasking!

I often think about how ironic it is that one man who is so good at doing the very thing I suck at found me...there are so many women out there that God blessed with the mysterious ability to hear, see, and walk times two all at one time! Nick and I laugh about it all the time and I think secretly he likes that he's better at it then I am:)

For all of you who have a spouse that stops mid sentence, gets easily distracted by the TV, can't hear anything else when they are on the phone, or can seem as if they are on some other planet...please love them like Nick loves me:) Laugh about it and try not to get frustrated we most certainly don't do it on purpose!

Back to where I started...

2009-09-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

I was just noticing that I haven't written a blog in nearly 2 months and nearly 5 months since I've posted anything related to the church! So, I originally set out to tell you about my wifely duties as the pastors wife and veered off the path...sorry! Here's where I'm at.

First of all I don't exactly meet the mold of the old school pastor's wife. I don't have big hair...actually it's pretty flat, I can't play the piano or even sing for that fact and I am not very good at hosting parties I just like to have people over (everyone has learned by now how to find things in our kitchen). I will say I am working on some of the internal things one would expect from a pastor's wife. God is daily teaching me how to be more patient, how to be a better listener, ways to be more hospitable, and possessing true flexibility.

I think that the skill that is most required of pastors and their families is resilancy. The ability to bounce back time and time again. I think my parents helped me to learn this skill after many attempts at being athletic. No matter how much I sucked at sports for some darn reason I wanted to keep playing them! If I didn't make a cut a tryouts, missed the game winning pop fly, failed at track because I only wanted to do shot put my parents helped me to be resilient and confident in who I was...the game didn't matter, the fact that I kept trying and learning did matter! The last 3 months of life have been oddly familiar to that time of my life. Relationships have failed and rebounded, "ideas" began then stopped and relaunched in new ways, bridges have been built then crumbled and some rebuilt, the list could go on. The most important thing in my life is that God is faithful and unchanging and that makes me resilient. It allows me to mourn what was lost (dreams, goals, friendships, finances...etc.) and find joy in the hope that Jesus brings. God is in the business of making all things new and I get to be a part of that amazing transformation that is happening all around me!

I guess the word of the day then is resiliency. I pray that I would be able to bounce back and this time bounce right into the arms of Jesus. The one who is faithful to the end!

Hot yoga!

2009-07-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

Just wanted you all to know that my wonder mom has now been to yoga twice with me and yesterday was so crazy! It was actually hotter outside than it was in the hot room! But trust me it was brutal doing yoga after facing the heat all day, but we did it.

Hope this makes you laugh...

2009-07-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

Hey friends, sorry it's been like 10 years since I've posted. My summer hours at work are crazy now and church stuff happens daily leaving very little time for telling stories. I couldn't have you miss this one though.

So the other night it was a very HOT night (we've had a lot of those lately). Not to worry, we have a little window AC unit in our bedroom to keep it nice and cool. We've been taking advantage of that for the last month until we got our electricity bill...the AC only stays on for a bit now:)

We decided to set the timer on it to cool down the room but not to have it on all night. We found the timer button and increased the time. It seemed to be increasing by minutes so we took it as high as it could go, 86 minutes. We turned off the lights and hit the sack. The next day Nick and I were talking about how hot it was and how we really did not sleep well at all and that we should look at the AC unit to see if was broke. Nick had even gotten up in the middle of the night to turn it back on for 86 min. to see if it would cool down again. The next night we were looking at the unit only to realize that instead of increasing the minutes on the timer we had increased the temperature to 86 degrees, as hot as it would go! So it had run for an hour at 86 degrees twice the night before. We could not stop laughing, we are such morons. I will say we did eventually out smart the dang machine and have been sleeping well for the last week:)

Hot Yoga...

2009-05-25T06:58:00.000-07:00

A while ago I let all of you know that I was going to participate in a dualathon (run, bike, run). I am still planning on participating in that as long as funding is there. In the mean time I've found a new challenge, Hot Yoga formally known as Bikram Yoga. This is Yoga done in a room heated to 105 degrees with 50% humidity for 90 minutes. This has been one of the most amazing things I've ever put my body and mind through. It has helped me understand my Spiritual journey with God on a more appreciative level.

My thoughts through the first class:
11:15 go into class to get a spot where the teacher directed me to.
"This isn't so bad, in fact if feels really nice!"
11:30 The teacher is on his way in to start class
"Alright, this is really hot...how many minutes do I have to stay in here?"
11:33 Teacher introduces me to the class as the newbie and I laugh nervously
"Great, now you've called me out so that everyone can watch my die!"
12:15 Just finished the standing series and are transitioning to the floor series
"are we done YET??? Only 1/2 way, oh crap I should just lay through the rest of class"
12:40 Noticing the other newbie next to me who is a man built much like Nick (zero flexibility and very uncomfortable in heat)
"OK, he's really looks like he is going to die, I think I can even hear his nausea and head ache and frustration...I'm doing pretty good at faking it in here!"
12:45 Glance at the clock
"ah yes, only 15 min. left I can do anything for 15 min."
12:50 Look at the clock again
"what the crap only 5 min. have passed"
1:00 The instructor tells us we are going to go a few min. longer to make up for starting a few min. late
"oh no you didn't, I officially hate you!"
1:10 Class is over and I take my first step out of the room
"Oh Lord, thank you for allowing me to live!"

Second Class: A new girl was in there and the instructor kept telling her to sit up and breath. She also kept saying "Don't worry you aren't going to die, nobody has ever been lucky enough to die in Bikram Yoga."

Third Class: Made it though class only looking at the clock once!

Fourth Class: I figured out how to really let go of tension and stress and just be in that moment. I learned how to get my breathing to help me through and I learned that this is actually a privilege I didn't have before and I was thankful for being there.

After thoughts: I have actually signed up for the summer classes to really invest into my body and mind. I am feeling happier, stronger, more self-control, stress control, and I can focus more when I am praying. I am understanding the trials are actually a blessing to go through that promote concentration and strength! I would encourage anyone who's brave enough to try it for one month (16 classes). Let me know how it goes!

The vicious cycle of starting a church...

2009-04-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

...or should I say life in general. Life, as you all know, tends to flow in a constant cycles of highs and lows. We ride out the high times with glee and we ride out the low times with sweaty palms and faith. The same is true (times 10) with this church planting stuff. A week ago Celina, Nick and I were ready to pack up and move. We had dealt with such crap from the people we trusted. Also it felt as if God created more mystery about next steps with...friends, neighbors, church peeps, church vision, etc. We were up in arms about what to do. We were begging with God to give us faith, confirmation, direction and grace. We tried laughing it off, crying, yelling about it and dumping our hearts to best friends and family. Then came this week...

Tuesday night DCAF (women's Bible study) had been canceled last minute (which isn't uncommon). So, we decided to combine men's and women's DECAF on Wednesday night...why not? We had been meeting separate for months. Just about everyone came! Jeff and Debbie brought dessert with their fresh new understanding of who God is, Jonas and Julia brought Mexican lasagna with their wisdom of the faithfulness of God, Craig brought humility and vulnerability, Matt brought brownies with a passion to connect, Celina brought soda with her passion to serve, and Nick and I brought fruit with his amazing abilities to lead. The Spirit lead the whole conversation and we all walked away blessed by this amazing glimpse of the Kingdom of Heaven. In the last few days of this week, after that time, I've seen my neighbors with a new spark of the Holy Spirit. God is Good. This is what we came here to do! When we came we knew it would take time but we never would have guessed it would take 10 months to gather our first small group of 10 believers. That though, is the culture of Christ. It's take this long (or this little of time) for neighbors who didn't know each other's name to feel comfortable sharing matters of the heart with one another.

Thank you God for allowing us to see a piece of the Kingdom of Heaven at work in the lives of us and our neighbors, especially when we were feeling so discouraged.

Trust a step further...

2009-03-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you all who have encouraged us through my last post. Nick and I have had some wonderful discussion about it and I feel as if we've made some really important gains. I am still praying and processing a few things so I'll post on that later.

A different kind of trust is required these days as Nick and I are going to be required to trust an adoption worker to represent us well to the state! We are going to be adopting a child!!!! We are still early in the process but half way through being certified adoptive parents through the state. It is finally time for us to tell the world about our journey! So, I'm also trusting you! I am trusting that you will be delicate and excited with us as our hearts are somewhat vulnerable. Trust us and know that this is a place that God has drawn us to. He is preparing our hearts and our home for the perfect child He has chosen for our family. We have a new blog that we will be updating frequently so please check it out! muccifamily.blogspot.com

Trust...

2009-03-11T19:17:00.000-07:00

I tend to willingly trust just about anyone that I have any interaction with and expect the same in return. I don't know if this is good or bad...or maybe it just is. I will say however that it can be very painful. What I'm about to share is no attempt at complaining or seeking sympathy, you must also know that life truly is good right now. I think I just want you all to know about someof the realities that we face. The hardest part about our ministry isn't tough life stories, starting with just a team of 3, ministry in Portland, or fearing for our safety. It's being let down repeatedly. We have been spending every day of the last 9 months attempting to connect with our new friends and neighbors and I have been learning about risk. I think that having been surrounded by generally loving and trusting people most of my life didn't prepare my heart for having to risk not being loved and trusted in return. There have been several days where new friends/neighbors don't return a call, don't show up for dinner, or ask for money to satisfy an untold addiction. We got used to the "I'm not sure if they will actually show up" and prepared ourselves with a backup plan so that the evening didn't go wasted. We learned somewhat slowly how to ensure our money wasn't going to support an addiction. We even are learning to rebound when we feel so hurt by the lack of information shared. As I reflect on this day alone between the two of us we have been used as an ATM, learned of another drug addiction (not by the person), were told about no progress on a long awaited job interview, and even now I am supposed to be meeting someone for coffee who never called. With each of these common occurrences I expected the other person/people to share enough information with me to allow me to prepared for a letdown. I trust these people fully. In fact, most of them will even have a large influence on my children someday. Yet, I feel my trust is betrayed when these things happen. I want so badly to trust them and to make excuses for why they behaved the way they did and to say that they didn't mean to. I also want so badly to push them out of my life, to skip the letdowns and heartaches, and to shelter my future children and friends that come to be a part of this community.
So, I guess I'm asking for some good advice on how to move forward. I am sure all of you have felt some form of this at some point or another. Maybe some of you are feeling it repeatedly like we are...How do we cope? I do know the Sunday school answer...God is the only one we can fully trust with our whole hearts, he never lets me down. He shows up to every meal and always tells the whole truth. When He withholds information it is to protect us and for our benefit. I also realize that there have been many times in my life when I treated God the same way these few friends and neighbors are and I pray of His forgiveness.

What these little ears hear...

2009-02-09T21:20:00.000-08:00

I was playing cards with a student and another kid was walking by when I said "it's still your turn"
The kid walking by stopped in his tracks, spun on his heels, and said "you can't steal the game! That's just not right!" I'm sure you figured it out but for those of you who don't have regular interaction with small children he thought I had said "let's steal the...(game or cards)!"

Little Red Bike...Part 2 and 3...

2009-02-04T13:04:00.001-08:00

Well, Monday Nick went on a retreat and took the car because it was far away, leaving me with the bike and the bus. He dropped me off at work with the bike so I could ride it home on Tuesday with the plan being to ride the bus home Monday night.

After a very long Monday with the kiddos I collected my things and got my wallet out to get money for the bus. I learned I had forgotten to get the bus money that was set aside for this very evening leaving me with one dollar and several coins totaling only 1.50, it takes 2 to ride the bus. I work with kids so any chance of me finding a coin lying around to boost what I had was useless. I decided I would ride my bike home.

Here is how it went this time:
not enough layers of clothes
no helmet
darkness on the streets
no lights on my bike
a new rout with bike lanes!
a slight decline all the way home
the scene of city lights against the dark forest hills
time to clear my head and pray while I hoped for the best

In all, ride number 2 was much better than the first just slightly more dangerous.

Ride number 3 to and from work:
Warm sunny day
legs getting stronger
i pod
fresh air
other bikers
essentially all that riding in Portland should be!

Third times a charm:)

Another "Night Strike" Angel...

2009-01-24T16:58:00.000-08:00

Over the last 5 months we have been going to Night Strike in "Hells Kitchen" in downtown Portland (see previous posts on mine and Nick's blog). Last night was another blessed evening there, I met an angel named Ben.

Ben was sent by God to preach to the preachers, befriend the homeless, and to live among the poor. This is no easy calling but the man delivered the love of God with beautiful grace. He shared his story with me and here are some of the highlights.

Ben had a rough childhood and many reasons to be full of hate and hostility toward the church and toward people in general. He had many reasons not to trust. As he shared this part of the story with me I saw the pain he felt and at the same time the peace he now has. After spending time in prison, time in Vietnam, years on drugs and alcohol he faced God and asked if He could do anything with the life Ben had messed up. From that very moment God flooded into his heart and created the Ben I met last night. For 20 years he's been living among the homeless and poor in transient housing in old town Portland. During our conversation about every 10 min. a homeless person would walk by and give him a hug or kiss on the cheek calling him Uncle Ben or Dad. He has become family for so many whom have been abandoned or betrayed by their families.

At one point in the converstaions two godly men came over who are recovered homelss crack useres and cons to tell me how wonderful Ben is and how he sang in church last week. I talked Ben into singing for us and it was the most beautiful moment ever, a divine moment. While under Burnside bridge on a Friday night, among 400 individuals (most homeless), surrounded by much commotion Ben sang "The Old Rugged Cross" I nearly burst into tears as this man ignored the noise and in a sweet bratone voice sang to our Almighty God.

I was the one blessed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. Ben's story inspired and reminded me about who God is. He taught me how to live like Jesus expects us to live.

Thank you Lord for your grace. For loving me when I loose sight of your true mission. When I get arrogent or boastful reminde me of Ben and his testamony, his calling, my calling.

Amen

Little Red Bike...

2009-01-21T18:49:00.000-08:00

I got a cute red bike for Christmas from my wonderful husband. I was in a somewhat dream like state when I pictured myself in perfect sunshine and 70 degrees on my way to work on my red bike. Well, who has time to wait around for sunny and 70 in Portland? Not ME! Yesterday I got the bike out and hopped on and headed to work. Here is a little of what I experienced...
35 degrees with wind in my face
frozen snot
no sunglasses resulting in the left eye crying the entire way
4.5 miles up hill
knee cramps from not adjusting the seat properly
a gag every now and then becasue I didn't know how to work my new helmet
stopping traffic because the bike lane disappeared

But...I made it! It may be a while before I hop on the bike again but when that day comes I know a few things to fix before I jump on so eagerly.

So Funny!

2009-01-11T15:00:00.000-08:00

Somehow my kids and I got on the belly button discussion and why do humans have them but dogs don't? I proceeded to tell them that when we are in our mom's bellies this is how we are fed. A boy in my class interrupts at this point and says:
"oh yeah, I remember hearing about this before. We are connected to our mom's testicles to get food!"
I just laughed and moved on with the discussion.

Days like this....

2008-12-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

Snow days are perfect days for catching up on the blogging, sorry it's been so long. I may have lost a few of my readers in the last month because of the lack of blogs...bummer! Anyway, life has been so busy but so good in the last month. I am currently in the infant stages of what could potentially be life changing projects...more details to come on those as I pray like crazy about continuing with them. Today's blog however is about the crazy snow we've had this weekend and how God uses these still moments to talk to his peeps!

Nick and I have been working so hard on building relationships with our friends and neighbors and praying so deeply that they would trust us. In the last few days as snow has locked us into our home I was somewhat nervous that we would miss out on a weekend to go to a bar to shoot pool, or meet someone at a coffee shop, or even have someone over for dinner. We did actually loose that chance this weekend but God pulls through in amazing ways. Because of the snow we have been able to deliver Christmas trees, help neighbors with frozen pipes, and talk to acquaintances over the phone as a true friendship develops. I have been able to spend some one on one time with my husband dreaming and praying about our future. All of this to say that God once again showed me whats up. He continues to rock my world even when the world seems so still and quiet. How dare I question if the weather will delay the works of God, he gave us this snow...let it be used for His glory!

Worlds apart...

2008-11-07T06:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had to work at a school further out in the city. I was laughing at some of what I was hearing compared to my students at King Elem. When threatening another student here is what they said...

The other school: "I will sue you!"

Mt school: "I will beat you up!"

The president...

2008-11-06T11:01:00.000-08:00

First of all I have to brag because I am blogging from the bus!

Yesterday when I was talking to my students about the electio I asked "whst would you do as president?". Here was the response...

I would buy everyone presents and hotels and limos

I would invite all the football players to live with me.

I would give everyone candy and meet Santa.

I would buy two golden retriever guard dogs.

So...what woulf you do?

Proud of my Alma Mater...

2008-11-03T08:57:00.000-08:00

While I was a NNU (Northwest Nazarene University) student I was so proud to be just that! When I reflect on my college years I see and feel the life experiences and friendships that shaped my life. There was a period of time (about the last three years) where I was angry and frustrated with NNU and had not been proud of my education.

I was thrown into a very tough teaching experience and felt as if my Ed classes failed me. I walked into a class of students who were not like the ones from Nampa, ID. I felt completely unprepared for...
thrown chairs
unsupportive administration
cursing
lack of resources
parents being sent back to Mexico
my car being broken into
the feeling of complete failure and helplessness
isolation
poverty
hunger
teen pregnancy
weapons
lock downs
lack of expectations
and many other things one experiences in an inner-city school

However, as I have reflected about those three year and it's relation to NNU here is how my school did prepared me...
genuine friendships
the Love of God
a theology of God and Teaching
the importance of holistic ministry
a passion for changing the heart of a child not just the mind
To seek out God in ALL things and all situations
dealing with the spiritual warfare in my work place
And most importantly it provided me with a safe place to become who I am so that who I am as a Christian can infect any place that I live or work.

As I walked on campus this week for the first time in 4 years I was flooded with memories and love that only NNU could have provided for me. The Spirit of God is in that place begging to dwell in the students so they can go into the world and face these unexpected, unplanned, and unprepared life circumstances that will inevitably come.

so, in the end...after some healing time that needed to happen I am proud to write my loan check to the bank every month that pays for my God inspired education. I went to NNU with a trust and understanding that every penny I paid would be spent on Kingdom-work and I truly believe today that my education through NNU will further grow the Kingdom of God.

Thank you Lord for my education!

My Job...

2008-10-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

A few people who know me very well have been asking about my job and how it's going so here is an honest update about how I'm doing! First of all, it's a challenge! Not the job its self but the rest of my life with a job that demands so much less of me. For the first time in a long time I am living nearly stress free (with the exception of a moment here an there). I feel as if I can actually make other people (children included) a priority over the things in my life that used to include several tasks and to do lists. For some reason I actually believed that stress, craziness, being overwhelmed and busy determined if I was serving God. I have learned now that it's how I spend each moment of every day not how much I do in each moment. It sounds so simple but I don't think I actually believed it until now, until life just suddenly slowed down. I have the freedom to do the following these days (things I couldn't do before)...
1. Spend time with my husband- I get to see him in his daily routine serving God here in our hood.
2. Exercise- I get to take care of my body without worry of missing something or wasting time
3. Cook- I love reading cook books and magazines about cooking and trying new foods. This in turn allows me to love on my neighbors with extras!
4. Blog- I didn't have time before to reflect on life and to really let moments sink in.
5. Study Scripture- I have been reading the Bible like I did when I was a new believer
6. Sleep-I get nearly a full 7 every night.
7. Volunteer- I get to spend time tutoring and mentoring. Using the gifts God gave me.
8. Greeting- I get to make friends in this new place. I have time to schedule lunch with people or go with a friend to get my nails done...all without sacrificing my marrage or job
9. Love-I have the opportunity to love more often and more purposfully

These are the few that came to mind right away. I am sure I will think of more later that I wished I had added. There are definately days when I waste this time or wonder exaclty how I'm supposed to use it but over all, I feel so blessed. I am so glad that I don't have to take a step back and slow down with life when I am retired but I can do that now. It's teaching me self worth and trust in Christ.

Thanks for wondering...

Once it's on here...it's official!

2008-10-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

It seems like when I really want to make sure I follow through with something I should put it on my blog. From what I heard a few people I know a love actually read this! So...it is official. My mom and a few friends who have run marathons have inspired me...not to run but to do 3 events. I am going to train to participate in a triathlon! Running, biking, and swimming. I love biking and swimming it's the running part that is going to kick me in the rear. I have almost a year to train and many things in life could happen between now and then. In the mean time, I'm training!

Updates on my life in the past week...

2008-10-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

Marathon Momma- We were in Long Beach last weekend becasue of my mom. She did it! A 50th birthday party and a full blown marathon in one weekend. She is a hero to me and I am so proud of her. What she accomplished is such a living example of living up to the challenges in life.

Full weeks of plans-God is blessing us with busy weeks that include new people at bible study, new friendships, and new challenges. It is all so exciting and an answer to prayer.

Portland Hope Meadows- Tomorrow we will be attending a fund raising banquet as honorary guests for a non profit that will be moving in across the street. I will have to blog about this more this weekend and tell y'all about this amazing organization that already exists and will soon be a big part of our lives.

God- He is mostly teaching me Patience and Understanding...two very hard things to learn and that I pray for daily. As I struggle with God's timing in my human mind I find that His timing is actaully perfect and my human mind needs to get the heck out of the way. I am praying that my heart will lead with patience and understanding and my mind will take a back seat to it.

The president...

2008-10-03T14:08:00.000-07:00

According to a child of mine who was telling a story:
"Onetime when I was little I wanted to get my hair cut like a mohawk but I didn't really know what it was or what it looked like. So I asked them to shave it right down the middle and I looked like the president!"

Thought it was funny that he thinks Bush has an inverted mohawk.

High School Musical...

2008-09-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

If you know any child (especially a girl) between the ages of 6 and15, then you know exactly what I'm referring to! This post is not exactly about that (whew) but about musicals in general. I think all of us have at least one musical that we absolutely love and would watch again on any given rainy day. Nick's I believe is Newzies, mine is White Christmas, a childhood favorite was The King and I, all of you have one! I think many of us would love to live in that particular musical. I think we have all wondered what it would be like if with every prime moment there was a prime song and dance to accompany those moments. I realized today that that is the wonderful world two of my YMCA kids live in. In class, at the store, etc. it would be rude for them to sing and dance. But at the YMCA, within reason, I have no problem with it. So, most mornings are musical mornings. At any random moment these boys could burst out with singing or dancing or both. Sometimes they even back eachother up on it! I love it. At first it was a bit annoying but then today I sat back and realized the joy it brought them. So I've concluded that musicals, intentional or not, are one of the many child-like behaviors that we "grow out of" somewhere in our teen years. How sad... I hope that if you read this and the child in you is somehow rekindled that you would find the perfect moment to transform into a musical moment.

"Draw Me Close To You"

2008-09-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

It's the title of an old school worship song, most of you know the entire thing by heart and many of you worship leading folks could play it by heart. I was laughing and worshiping to this song in church today. Laughing because today I realized that the chorus "you're all I want, you're all I've ever needed..." sounds much like the intro to a 70's sitcom. Intently worshiping because this song has meant so much to me through the years. I "happen" to only hear it when I really need it. It's God's gentile way of whispering to me that He knows and understands my heart's desire and that He will take care of it as long as I remain focused on primarily HIM! So yes, today I needed to hear that once again. I have been praying for a long time for one very specific thing and lately I've been getting discouraged. I believe that God wants to bless me with this but I don't understand why it's taking so long. But today I am reminded, though the sitcom chorus, that God is truly all I ever wanted and needed.

Prostitution in Portland...

2008-09-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

I had an experience this week that was truly God inspired. First of all I have to say that this week in itself was a huge blessing. I had a town-hall meeting on Monday, Kenosis on Tuesday, a rain garden meeting and D'CAF on Wednesday, training for work on Thursday, Night Strike on Friday, and visiting with long time friends and family on Saturday. So, yes it was busy but I really thrive on exciting weeks like this one.

Monday I had only 3 sweet kindergartners in the afternoon and we had the most wonderful musical parade around the room. I couldn't help but watch and thank the Lord for the innocence of little girls. They just seemed so precious in that moment.

I later went to a meeting about the long time problem of prostitution on 82nd st. I learned that in Portland there are close to zero social services for women who wish to get out of prostitution. These men and women who have been victimized by life through pimps, mothers, molesting relatives, abuse, and insecurities have no way out. My heart broke as I heard many beg for the officers to "clean up the streets" and few ask, "how can we get social services for these humans being treated as objects?"

After the meeting and feeling so heavy hearted about it I walked back to the car and loe and behold was verbally treated as a prostitute for walking to the car alone. I had three men slow down and continually say degrading and embarrassing things to me out their car window.

On Friday, when speaking with a friend about homelessness, I learned that nearly 65% of the 150 beds available for the 3,000 homeless are for men only. Leaving nearly nothing for women on the streets.

It was the journey of this entire day/week that God used to open my eyes. The journey of many of the prostitutes began like the little Kindergarten girls I was watching earlier. The way I felt on the side of the road, wishing my husband was with me, is only a small glimpse of how these women feel daily. I have seen the effects of prostitution on children because I had kids whose mothers were prostitutes in Kansas City. Knowing about the limited amount of beds available for women is another cause of prostitution in Portland. All I know is that our society continues to feed this filth and the victimization of women and I am praying for God to reveal to me what to do with this information.

Sorry this was such a long blog...thanks for reading!
God bless you!
Men, keep loving your wives, mothers, and sisters like they deserve (most of you I know do this already--especially my hubby!)
Women, keep covered and don't allow the filth in this society to dictate your life, self-esteem, and body (I think we all struggle with this on some level).

Music according to Victor...

2008-09-12T23:36:00.000-07:00

9 year old Victor (singing): "I got the blues, oh baby I got the blues..."
singing stops and a look comes over him "do you know what kind of music that is?"
Me: "I have a good guess"
Him: "It's called gossip music"
Me: "hmm... did you mean gospel music?"
Him: "Oh yeah..."
back to singing "I got the blues oh yeah baby I got the blues..."
Me in my head: "I'm pretty sure that's blues"

I hate mice!!!!!

2008-09-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

We have a little mouse taunting me at our home. I hate mice! I am that old hag in cartoons that stands on chairs screaming and swatting with a broom. For a while I was the only who had seen the little bugger. In the last week Celina and Nick have witnessed it as well. It is to the point that early in the morning when I am getting ready for work I am prepared to leap onto a chair at any moment just in case we get a little visit. Well, it is late and we just got home from Night Strike and here is how it happened....

Celina went to get in the shower and Nick just got up to turn the sprinkler on, just when the door opened I saw Mousie bound across the living room from curtain to couch. I screamed "it's in the house!" Nick, in sheer panic by my yelling, just about closed me in the house to protect himself (I'm sure he didn't mean to). I got out the door and Nick was trying to figure out what exactly was in the house, so I told him. We bravely went back in and put Chance in our bedroom and tried to scope Mousie out. Nick found him under the curtain so I had to stand on the couch and shake the curtain so he could direct the scurrying toward the door. well, it worked and I was yelling obvious things in a panic like; "there he is" "push him out" "hurry hurry hurry" "ahhhhhh!" Mousie only made it half way and found a secure spot behind the bookshelf, a foot from the door, so I began chucking shoes toward the one side to scare him out...that didn't work. We moved a chair near there and got a second broom, I stood on the chair and banged the bookshelf with all my might to get it to scurry out the other side....It Worked!! Mousie made it out the door and we are off to get a dozen traps tomorrow so hopefully he doesn't come back (for his own sake). Celina missed the entire thing...lucky girl!

"Fight with knives, not guns...

2008-09-07T16:29:00.000-07:00

...so you can tell the police you were drunk." This is what I learned from a kid in my program after he made it to me from a fight. It was a mostly good first week, actually it was really easy. I really love just getting to spend time with children without testing pressure. It's extremely less challenging but extremely more fun. I get to play soccer, paint, read, and chat with children and get paid for it. I'm really enjoying it! King is a school much like New Chelsea (my school in KC) so it's exactly what I prayed for. I have been able to watch relief come across parent's faces when I explain my background and what brought me to this point. My two biggest challenges are a second grader and a third grader, both of which love to fight and disobey! They are what what will fuel my passion this year. I am praying that God will redeem the program that exists currently, that He will rule that room where we spend hours on social skills, and that His love and mission would be lived out in my life and spill into the lives of these children.

The New Job...

2008-08-29T11:26:00.000-07:00

God has been answering prayers and I am so excited about it! I am working at King Elementary School in N Portland with the YMCA. There are only four children currently enrolled there but I believe God will find ways to grow the program. Here has been the response when I tell people about me taking the position there...
*Eyes pop out of their head and they say, be tough...
*"I subbed there one day and a kid got scissors thrown at him"
*"I worked there for a week and a kid said 'F.... you'"
*"Get to know the music teacher, she saved me when all the kids walked out"
*"Do you have any experience with tough kids??"
*"That should be interesting"
*"Call me if you need help, I know how tough those kids are. One has eased up on me now but I've known her for 2 years."

Anyway, it should be a pretty sweet challenge! I am praying that I can empower these children to change the face of the Y program at that school. I am praying that I can be a support to these children amongst their frustrations. I am also praying that more children would be drawn to this Christian organization and the God that inspired it.

Children's interpretations of phrases...

2008-08-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

It's official, I do have a job! I am working for the YMCA before/after school program. I was hired as a site director and will tell more about it later. I have been working at the camp to train until school starts next week. Here is a silly story about something that happened while I was there...
I have been really working with the 6 year old boys group and little boys love to talk about discus ting things. There was about 5 of them who were talking about burping and farting and such so I finally said..."no more talking about bodily functions..." one of the other boys said, "okay, lets talk about barfing." Before I could speak another boy piped up and said "NO, that is also a bubbly malfunction!" They all looked at me to see if he was correct but I couldn't stop laughing. So, the new thing at Y camp is "bubbly malfunctions" and the little boys are yelling at each other..."no more bubbly malfunctions!"

"Thee Screamin' Hippy..."

2008-08-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

This is the name of someone I met at Night Strike on Friday night. When he told us his name he explained that he has about 7 aliases and this was his most common one. When he said this the motions that came with the name ended with swinging hips like a hula dancer. Night Strike has become a way for God to put me in my place...weekly! I have had the chance to take on different roles there; handing out clothing, hostessing, and taking night strike out from under the bridge and to other parts of Portland. I think the most important thing that I have learned is how God uses simple conversations to teach me things. Time happens to be the most valuable thing I can offer and I still don't give enough of it. I heard a leader of Night Strike explain what makes it unique. Portland is know nation-wide for being one of the most giving cities. We give money, food, blankets, clothes, medicine, and probably even drugs. However, people have become so accustom to giving they've forgotten why they give. The most valuable thing we have to offer is Love. Love is often shown not just through how much we give but how we give. Night strike is time we set aside to give in a very unique and loving way. We sit on the sticky floor next to people, we listen to people ramble about the things they are passionate about, and we keep an open heart to what others might have to offer us. Giving in Love is also about receiving in Love. So I challenge you, family and friends, give and receive in love this week even for just an extra hour. It just might change your life, much like it is doing in mine.

He is feeling better!!!

2008-08-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

Good report from the vet yesterday, he is doing better! He still isn't 100% and there isn't a guarantee he will keep his eye yet, but he is looking good. His cone is off and he is playing with toys again. The one in the picture his grandma gave to him, he loves this squeaky cow. For those of you who were willing to pray for a puppy, thanks. I really mean that, God answered prayer and I know Chance will heal fine on his own!

I'm a cool Portland Dweller...

2008-08-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

I went downtown yesterday to find a fingerprint place that is so new it's not even listed on Google yet, so I didn't know what I would find. My directions sent me to the heart of the city. When I got off the bus not one, but two people asked me where things were! I didn't exactly have an answer for them but the point is they asked! I looked like I knew where I was going and that I was from here:) That made my day. I then found the building I was supposed to go into and learned that it was an old bank that was built in like 1902, this is a picture I took from the stairs. I was loving this old building, maybe I'll take you there if you come to visit some time!

The Best of Ghetto Gyms...

2008-08-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

I have been going down to the community center lately to work out and it's been a mostly good experience. The weight/aerobic room is tiny but it works! As a side note, our shower clogged and is out of service for about 24 hours, thus forcing the need to use the community center showers. I've showered in many showers...gyms, hotels, home,(some very old and some very new) but none like this. My shower today was an entire aerobic experience in itself. Let me walk you through this experience, don't worry I'll keep it at a G rating. I walked in to find clean showers, this is more than I expected. I got all set up and found the first obstacle; turning the water on. You know those annoying hand washers that you push down rapidly and hope to get a total of 15 seconds of warm water? Well, that was how this shower worked. When you get these stupid things for washing your hands the most annoying part is when you're all soaped up and have to get the water going again...same situation but worse with soap all over your face. Here was the real experience...this was either designed by a very tall person or a complete idiot. The shower head didn't move, it only sprayed one way full force...parallel to the ground, directly into the wall across from it. So here I am pumping the water thing and getting blasted in the face with high powered water, to remove the soap from my eyes. The true aerobic experience happened when I had to rinse the soap off the rest of my body...the water didn't reach so I was jumping in the shower. Needless to say, my workout today lasted a lot longer than I expected. I really hope the shower is unclogged in the morning for a better shower.

It is currently 2 am and what a weekend it has been...

2008-08-03T02:01:00.000-07:00

Friday: I had the chance to be a participant in the community of Night Strike. Nick blogged about it so you can check the details there. But, last night here are a few things are learned from the homeless that I met. First, I got to see Lance and Sandra Jean again and God has blessed them with an apartment!!!! What an answer to prayer. This is a couple who I could talk so much about, they have amazing knowledge of the homeless in Portland and have been sharing some of that with me. But, what I wanted to say was that I was informed that if anyone is sitting or laying on ANY street or sidewalk in the whole city of Portland, the police will either ticket you or take you away. Now, I met another man named Mario who got to experience Night Strike for the first time who lived in Beaverton. He was telling me about how the police were even stricter out there about homeless. So...if the city isn't providing a fresh start (can't get a job without an address, can't get an apartment without a job...) then that still leaves a problem of homelessness. Then, if you can't be homeless in Portland or any of the surrounding suburbs, what are the homeless to do? Anyway, food for thought for now, I'll blog more on this another time.

Saturday:
I got to spend my day roaming downtown with my BFF Jolleen. What a joy it is to be in a wonderful city with someone you love! I highly recommend the rush of jumping the light rail to train to bus to get to Made in OR, Powell's, and the Saturday Market. What a bustling time with crowds of people...I loved it!

My evening didn't go so well. After Celina and I had just had a talk about Exodus (which was wonderful) and were ready to get jammies on, we took Chance out. MY DOG HATES CATS, I HATE CATS (unless they are declawed an indoors and cuddling with someone else)! Well, one had roamed into our back yard and Chance chased it into a corner bush. The cat let out a few scratches and my puppy my very well loose an eye...literally. We had to go to the Emergency Vet and opted not to do the $3,000 surgery and pray that it will heal with the meds they gave him. If he doesn't heal alone they will have to remove his eye. I am so choked up even as I type this...Hence the reason I'm blogging at 2 am. I never thought I would be one of those who would ask for prayer for a pet...but will you pray? Even if you can't think of praying for a pet, think of praying for our finances and we have unexpected vet bills. I think I finally got a closer glimpse as to why moms freak out when their children get hurt. I just hate to see my puppy in so much pain.

Pictures of our home for those who haven't seen it yet...

2008-07-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

My name is Mandy, I'm a follower of Jesus, and I'm recovering from many things...

2008-07-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

We had the wonderful opportunity to experience Celebrate Recovery on Sunday evening. I found in a matter of minutes there that I have been living in denial. It's amazing when you are faced with the opportunity to confess, what actually comes out! I surprised myself in my confessions and I was surprised by what freedom I felt. I found that God is healing many areas of my life and other areas that I had buried deep so He would leave them alone. I pray that the Lord would continue to encourage me to go back so that I can face denial and sin and proclaim victory. If anyone is reading this doesn't know what CR is please do three things for me. 1. Do not assume it's only for drug and alcahol users. It exists for ALL hurts, habits and hang-ups. It exists for even people like me who think they actually have been working on all the sin in their lives. 2. Please look at the web page for information. http://www.celebraterecovery.com/ Even if you just read John Baker's testimony it will blow your mind! 3. Find a CR near you and go at least 4 times. I am committing to do the same. A man said to me the first 5 minutes we were there, "I have experienced more church in 30 min. than I have experienced in 30 years."
Well, Amen! Just as scripture says, let us confess sins to one another and pray andwe will experience healing.

The face of Christ in my husband...

2008-07-15T22:33:00.000-07:00

I watched Nick do what God has called him to do. I took him to meet someone at a coffee shop that I had met a few weeks ago. It took about a total of 5 minutes before this guy trusted my husband and began to share about some of the struggles he has faced in the last month. It's amazing to me how strangers can be so comforted by the face of God reflected in a man like Nick. I watched him do it again tonight when he checked on a great neighbor of ours. The Holy Spirit has been working on the heart of this guy and Nick and been the human hands, feet and face that he needed. Praise God for Nick, this amazing man that God chose to be a walking and living reflection of Him.
Amen

Frustrated nearly to tears...

2008-07-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

I have just been slapped in the face with the reality that if I don't really start looking for a job, then I'll still be waiting for a job a year from now. I had not been stressing about job hunting for such a long time until about 3 days ago. I was hit with the reality that we really are in a recession. That may only be true in Portland, and honestly it may not be true at all! But...my grocery and gas bills have hit an all time high and there just simply aren't jobs available ANYWHERE! There are currently only a total of 17 postings for the entire PPS district and I was told by a principle that he has over 200 applicants for each position he posts. Of those 17, I only qualify for about 2. I have been glued to the computer for so many stinking hours to fill out nearly a dozen applications. Which, by the way, takes FOREVER to fill out. I am finding myself either unqualified or qualified in the wrong field. I even filled out a stupid application for a part-time cake decorating Safe Way position! I don't even know how to frost a cupcake, but hey maybe they'll see a degree and think I'm trainable or something. Anyway, I've been playing it pretty cool up until now, so much prayers are needed. Thanks so much for taking the time to read about my wak-o life and what we're up to here in Portland.

Cathloic, Satanist, Nazarene, and Whatever he feels like....

2008-07-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

We had game night last night with a couple our age that we just met! It was so much fun, they killed us at skip bo. We grilled out, ate yummy corn on the cob and learned a lot about each other. My favorite part about all of this is they felt comfortable enough to share about the road they have been on and some of the pain that the church has caused them. She grew up going to Catholic school and has now described a "falling out" with church. He was raised Catholic, became a Satanist (he was laughing as he paused to reflect on those days), he then became licensed in the Nazarene church (small world!), and now claims all will find a way in their own time... Anyway thought this was an interesting journey and thought some of you might find it interesting. The good news is we didn't yell of preach at them, Nick didn't wear a suit and tie, and we didn't sing any weird songs. This is all good news because they've invited us to their home to meet the couple they live with and to share a meal with them. God is blessing our home by creating a hospitable space where we can love on the people who come here.
Amen!

Blessed to pray

2008-07-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

Nick has been very patient in getting to know a neighbor of ours. He has been so open and ready to chat when this guy needs him to. I loved watching the Holy Spirit at work yesterday and using this amazing man I married to bless another. We were ready to head out on a prayer walk when this buddy from next door came knocking to chat. Celina and I acted busy to give him time to talk with Nick. At then end of the conversation he was pleading with Nick, and the two of us, to pray for a family that is very dear to him. So, we were blessed with the opportunity to usher this man with us into the presence of God. It was amazing to see his willingness to let us pray for his family and for him to actually ask us to pray for them. God is doing great things in his life and I can see layers falling away every day. What a blessing and honor it is when others (especially faint believers) ask us to pray for the people they care the most deeply about.

Preaching on the corner of burnside...

2008-07-07T15:21:00.000-07:00

I really thought we were past the days of Bible pounding and screaming at people as they walk by on the street. I'm not sure who's idea it was to yell at people to make them love Jesus but I'm pretty sure I've never seen it work. The other day I was in downtown Portland waiting for the bus. I had been standing there for a very long time, only to find out my bus wasn't going to be coming by that stop on that day! That's besides the point. Anyway, I just bought this great book from Powell's and had taken that stupid plastic cover off that always gets in the way. So I'm standing there waiting and reading this big fatty book when two girls (about my age) walked by. They didn't just walk, they starting screaming at me! It took a minute for me to figure out why they were yelling but I guess they thought I was going to preach at them! They were yelling things like "don't you tell me how to live" "Jesus also said..." I then started being like..."this isn't a Bible" and defending myself. But then I was really feeling strange about that too, was I saying I didn't want to be "caught" on a street corner reading a Bible? Grrr... I found out that I was standing under a sign for some ministry and I'm assuming those girls had been yelled at and called sinners by them before. So, all in all, I'm a bit frustrated that I can't read a book that looks like a Bible while standing on a street corner without a stranger fearing that I would call them a sinner and tell them that they will burn in hell.

A list of the types of people who live within 1/4 mile of us...

2008-07-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

Here they are in no particular order...

European Americans
Native Americans
African Americans
Latin Americans
Middle-Eastern Decent
Old
Young
New
Lonely
Single
Vegan
Transsexual
Gay
Lesbian
Gangs
Skaters
believers
Non-believers
Meat Eating
Plant Eating
Angry
High
Loud
Silent
Home Owners
Renters
Government Housing

And Jesus loves and is active in each of their lives!

The old man at the corner house

2008-07-04T17:40:00.000-07:00

Nick and I were walking back from the bus (which is a frequent for us now) when we met a new neighbor! This gentleman was sitting in a camping chair in his front lawn absorbing the sun, a great way to spend your hot evening I might add. When we got close we introduced ourselves and began the common chit-chat when people meet. He was an older man, about 75 years old. At some point in the conversation he leaped out of the chair to come closer for the chat. This, I learned was not a good idea. Not good for reasons you might expect. Now, I can understand that everyone has their favorite lounge clothes and I am certainly not one to judge. But this guy was wearing a cut off tank-top and a nice pair of boxer briefs! The best part about it is that he went on to explain to us about how he felt pretty good that he fit into this pair of shorts he found! Thus drawing awkward attention to the underwear. I didn't have the heart to tell him. After we left he went right back to his seat and the evening just kept going on. I think that one of the hardest things, when ministering to the elderly, is to ignore the awkward and funny things they do while you are listening to their crazy life stories. So, yes, I plan on listening to more of his stories and am actually praying for his outfit. I don't think I've really prayed for people's outfits before today!

It's Been So Long...

2008-07-04T16:51:00.002-07:00

The school year has been over for weeks now... I am in such a huge transition place that I don't even know what to do! After a whole school-year of dealing with the drama and emotion of urban 4th graders my life feels as if it has come to a screeching halt. At first I found peace in having time to myself. Then, I was exited for the move and that mostly occupied my time. Now, I'm in Portland and my heart yearns to be with those babies again. As we spend evenings on prayer walks and I see a neighbor kid I find my body naturally gravitating toward them to just hear the energy and passion that children have for living. I'm longing to have the comfort that I will be teaching in the fall, but God may have other plans. If you read this and you are one who prays, pray for God to give me peace and to trust his perfect plans.

It's the small things that add up.

2008-02-22T19:02:00.003-08:00

I have a student who is mentally retarded and who has really been through a TON. He is a refuge from Bosnia and has faced many challenges here in the states. Needless to say, he is full of energy and is often looking for other things to do besides schoolwork. Here was his latest...

...early in the morning...
"E is spraying candy in people's mouths"
This was said while another student was roaming the room and knocking chairs over so naturally I ignored it while I dealt with the other problem.

...sometime after lunch...
Me: "Why aren't you doing your work?"
T: "I'm just soooo tired, E sprayed medicine in my mouth that makes you sleepy. Watch, other kids will start falling asleep too!"
At this point I was beginning to wonder what E had! I asked him about it and he denied having anything.

...finally, at the end of the day...
E was walking to the buses and had some small white bottle in his hand, and I was struck with the reminder of the previous incidents from the day...
Me: "is that what you have been spraying in peoples mouths all day?????"
He pulled away, "it's nothing"
As I looked at it I realized it was spray hand sanitizer that he found on the ground and had refilled with water!

This kid who has been underestimated by all, managed to convince 3 classmates that it was candy and 2 others that it was sleep medicine, and keep it hidden from me all day!
Brilliance.
The unfortunate thing is that he easily could have gotten them all sick.
But alls well that ends well:)

Testing Strategies...

2008-02-18T06:52:00.002-08:00

As most of you know, we are preparing for the Kansas State Assessments. Thanks to No Child Left Behind, these are VERY important tests. For the last 5 months we have been taking formative tests to target our instruction. After each practice test I talk to my students about the strategies they use. Some of the ones listed below have been told to me, other have been caught by observation. Let me remind you that many of my students have more street smarts than book smarts.

Here is what you need to know about the test. It allows calulators on some of the questions but not on others. It also lets you see the correct and wrong answers for the qustions you missed after it scores you. When they take the real deal they won't be able to use these following strategies for a number of reasons. I also have talked to them a hundred times about not cheating.

Top Ten Testing Strategies
By Mrs. M's class...
1. Guess
2. Just pick my favorite answer.
3. When my teacher stands behind me I try to feel what her brain is thinking about what I'm choosing.
4. I get up to go to the bathroom and check as many computers as I can while I walk by.
5. I make myself fall asleep so that my teacher thinks I'm too tired to take it today.
6. Write some posters from class on my hand and use it on the test.
7. I finish the whole test really fast then write down the correct answers when it lets me check. Then I take the test again and make sure I agree with the answers. I also take my time so it looks like I did a really good job.
8. Sometimes I just check with the person next to me to see if I'm getting it right.
9. If I get stuck on a math question I can write it down, then go back to a question with a calculator, and use the calculator to answer the question. Then I go back and find the right answer.
10. Wait for the person next to me to finish and check their answers so I know if I'm getting them right!

Sadness...

2008-02-17T06:05:00.002-08:00

This happened just when we returned from Christmas Vacation. All of my students were very squirmy, naturally, because they were dying to share about their time apart. So, I started our day with some journaling. I had one child, "sadness" who just got up out of his seat and starting roaming the room and ho-humming as Eeyore does. I got him to settle down for a bit and to talk to me...
Me: "what's going on?"
Him: "I don't want to write in my stupid journal"
Me: " do you want to tell me why?"
Him: "NO"
Me: "did something bad happen to you?"
Him: "NO"
Me: I just sat there with him for a minute...knowing that this 9 year old would probably tell me soon
Him: "My daddy killed him"
Me: "what are you talking about?"
Him: "My dad killed a man on Christmas Eve and now he is in jail"
Me: "are you alright?"
Him: "yeah"
Me: "well, it's alright to be upset about it ....

And the conversation continued with me faking as if I am a counselor. I don't have a freaking clue what to do or say to these kids... I did find out later, from the secretary, that his father did shoot a man at a bar on Christmas Eve night. His dad is now on trial for murder.

Home Visit #1

2007-11-17T10:07:00.000-08:00

It has become a priority to me to visit the homes of each child in my class. I have learned in the past that I actually take a glimpse into the life of a child more clearly then I ever could in the school setting. I will be posting about some of them as I continue through the year. My first, however, was this week! What an experience.

Emotionless is the name I give this child. After having him 2 years as a student I've maybe seen him show any kind emotion a total of about 12 times. Wednesday I learned why.

Emotionless is one of 5 children. He is Hispanic and sometimes doesn't understand his mother because his English is better than his Spanish, and sometimes doesn't understand school because he still isn't fluent in English. So identity even through language has been lost. This boy lost his daddy when he was 2 to what I'm thinking was gang activity. His only dream for when he grows up is to not be a gangster. When he was younger he would say "I want to be a fireman" but now that is too unrealistic and babyish for a 9 year old like him. This baby boy (a man in his eyes) and his mother are actually stuck in depression. At home, Emotionless actually talks about killing himself and to the school, mother has talked about killing herself.

Now tell me politicians and law makers how this sweet, depressed, lifeless child is supposed to make AYP. How is he to perform like many other kids in the US who have a cultural identity, who have their daddy, and who aren't fighting the urge to just die. Please, come sit in his living room with me and tell me how this is to happen.

Guns, Drugs, and Sex

2007-11-17T09:54:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is how the climate of our building has been described in the last couple of weeks. We made the news on Monday with the drugs! We had a student in third grade bring marijuana to school. Here is how I found out about it...

Tuesday Morning 8:45 as students are arriving...
New Kid in my class: (mind you he has been completely depressed since he got here). "Mrs. Mucci! We were on the news last night!
Me: No way, how exciting...what about? (I should have known to stop the conversation before it started)
New Kid with enthusiasm: A kid brought drugs to school!
Speechless I followed with...well that's unfortunate...but that would never happen in here RIGHT?

Pretty lame response but what else was I supposed to say if I wasn't even sure it was true?

I then ran next door to ask another teacher if this was truth and sadly it was.

The gun part is also true. We had a 4th grader bring a real gun to school a few weeks ago and there never was a staff meeting on either of these...

Communication and openness and the way issues are addressed in inner city schools is so sad.

Oh yeah, the sex part, this one is kinda funny.
A 4th grade teacher, we'll call her Ms. F said to me...did you also hear about the notes being passed by my students in the lunch room?

The note said..Janie, did you see the kids having sex in the back of Ms. F's classroom?

Ms. F with a chuckle: I know a lot goes on in my class that I may miss in my old age, but I think I would know if that ever happened!

In the end I concluded that MTV has taken over our school, we have all the makings of a music video except for money!

Discrimination is still very real...

2007-11-04T05:09:00.001-08:00

This week we were reading "A Picture Book of Rosa Parks" as my read aloud. The vocabulary words gave us some rich discussion. One in particular struck a cord with me. You probably know as well as I do that discrimination is still very much a reality. Here are some of the things that came out of our discussions this week.

When talking to them about Rosa Parks and the way things were, my students asked about schools...
"Were Mexicans allowed to be in white schools?"
"No they were also considered colored"
"So Blacks and Mexicans didn't go to school with whites?"
"That's correct"
-All of them took a moment to process this...looked around the room... then one said..
"Almost like our class"
-sadly they are correct, I have two white kids in my class and one is Slavic-

When learning the word discrimination...
-I explained what the word was and used a silly extreme example to make the point-
"Mrs. Mucci, I have a real life connection to that. I was at the park with a friend and we were talking to each other, then this kid came up to me and said 'why do you black people always talk like that, you keep saying ain't and stuff. Don't you know how to talk.'"

Many other vibrant conversations came up through the discussion but thought you might like to ponder these.

To Fight or Not To Fight...

2007-10-28T16:11:00.000-07:00

So, I am realizing that one student in my class is acting about 55 years old as each day passes. He lives as an only child with his grandparents so he actually takes on tendencies of a 55 year old. On Thursday he came in and patiently followed me around the room as I took care of some morning business. Finally, after asking him several times to sit down I asked him what was bothering him. He proceeded to tell me about a fight he had been in with a younger boy on his street. I talked to him about this for several minutes and he expressed his concerns (pros and cons) about fighting. He told me how at home if he doesn't fight back his family will laugh at him...if he fights here at school he'll get suspended. So I talked to him about having a safe place to go to in both settings. I thought this discussion was coming to a close until he started to discuss his level of sensitivity...hum...yes... you read correctly. A 4th grader was actually telling me about how sensitive he was and how he actually might cry if he had to hit back. "I am a pretty sensitive guy Mrs. Mucci, I think that if I don't hit him I will cry but if I do hit him...I think I will cry too." I tried so hard not to giggle at this. So yes, on Friday he reached the age of 57!

The New Kid

2007-10-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

My newest member of 4th grade is probably the saddest boy in the world. So many of our kids have issues but this one is very sensitive. Here is the book he made in class this week. I am going to keep the spelling like his to capture his innocence.

"My Life Is Going Bad"
by New Kid

MY life is ging bad

oune (one) Day My MOM and Dad Do Not git a log (along) very wel so I was good.

My mom sid (side) do not like my dad somtims my dad is krasey Mom and my dad will love. each eaother no more dr (they) wot (won't)

so is clos to the End so this is the last

even me and my sis don't git a long we love eachether

I wunt for good (God) to help my famly and me. I am in pane rit naw. I triy to evrey Day But My heart keyps hitting (hurting) me.

The End
By: New Kid

Woman-hood

2007-10-23T17:18:00.001-07:00

Most kids in our school don't have their parents explaining the maturing process that all of them are about to undertake. I have one girl in particular, let's call her Woman Wannabe. She sadly has no female in her life at home to explain what is happening to her. So, today I have all my kids at the bathrooms with one girl holding the girls bathroom door open. I hear the royal screech "Mrs. Mucci!!!" Woman Wannabe has her pants at her ankles and her underwear at her knees and her head peeking around the corner as she proceeds to announce "I started my period!!!" Needless to say, I sent her to the nurse to explain the process and help with the cleaning up. I almost forgot to mention at the same time I had another girl who's pants couldn't take the stretch any more and she literally busted at the seams. So, while Woman Wannabe was yelling to the world about her period this other girl was standing pinching her pants together wile I poked safety pins in her. Oh yeah, and we're supposed to have all our kids passing reading and math tests this year despite our daily distractions.

Being Sick...

2007-10-22T20:08:00.000-07:00

This weekend I got the awesome privilege that most teachers have of being attacked by germs. Today when I was at school the kids asked several time, "are you sick?" My favorite was..."Are you sick Mrs. Mucci, I am asking because every time you talk it sounds like DONG, DONG, DONG, DONG!"

I'm breeding a shot-puter!

2007-10-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

Behavior is a constant battle in my school. We have many students who are lacking the ability to differentiate solving problems in the streets vrs. school. We are always telling them, "I'm sure that is a great way to solve problems at home but here at school we have other ways to solve conflicts." So, this year I have been able to keep the extreme outbursts to a minimum...until last Thursday! I have one girl, lets call her "shot-put" who has had many problems in the past but has done very well this year in my room.
On Thursday Shot-put was angry all day about something that happened at home so I had been watching her constantly be on edge with her peers and myself. By 2:00 she had had enough! I needed all of them to clean up their math and get ready for writing. They had adequate time but Shot-put was not going to move an inch until she decided she was done. So, I gave the whole class 20 seconds to be all cleaned up and read for writing. Naturally, I started counting down...20, 19, 18...When I got to 5, 4, 3, ... Shot-put was flaming mad...2, 1, 0..sure enough, from a lying down position, she threw her math journal from the floor to the other side of the room where it landed in somebody's lap! This girl is a beast! After a few moments of dead silence and Shot-put slamming her body down in her chair, I calmly told her what needed to happen (calm down in a quiet place in the room) and she followed directions! Later, I considered asking her if she knew what a shot-put was but decided I had better not foster that skill until she actually has the ball rather than class objects to practice with!

Here Comes The Third

2007-10-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

One quarter of my third year of teaching done. I was reflecting on the fact that this truly is my THIRD year teaching. Not a big deal to some but to others a very big deal. I have heard repeatedly that inner city teachers only last three years before they find their way out of there. I completely understand why! If this job was not a calling for me there would be no reason to wake up each day. Sure, there are many wonderful things that happen daily but only by His Grace. In fact, this year has so far been better than the other two. This group of 4th graders are truly precious jewels and I am so excited to see what God has in store for me to learn this year!